IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many students around the world don’t choose science subjects at university. Give the reasons for this and describe the impact on the community?

Nowadays, a number of students around the globe prefer arts or commerce
subjects
Use synonyms
 over
science
Use synonyms
ones
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
at
university
Use synonyms
. The main reasons behind
such
Linking Words
sad
Correct article usage
a sad
show examples
 scenario are the enormous difficulties faced by pupils to interpret key scientific terms and
lack
Correct article usage
the lack
show examples
 of meritorious
science
Use synonyms
 teachers.
This
Linking Words
 alarming situation poses detrimental impacts on
local
Add an article
the local
show examples
 community
as well as
Linking Words
 the concerned country
overall
Linking Words
.
This
Linking Words
 essay will demonstrate the reasons for not choosing
science
Use synonyms
subjects
Use synonyms
 at
Use synonyms
university
Correct article usage
the university
show examples
levels
Fix the agreement mistake
level
show examples
 and
also
Linking Words
 illustrate its harmful influence on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, students currently find it difficult to understand
vital
Add an article
the vital
show examples
mechanism
Fix the agreement mistake
mechanisms
show examples
 behind a scientific
occurring
Replace the word
occurrence
show examples
 and
hence
Linking Words
 don’t prefer
science
Use synonyms
subjects
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, an electrical engineering student needs excellent knowledge
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the working principles of several electromechanical systems. A student willing to attend
university
Use synonyms
 if unable to master the basic art
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 alternating current generation,
fail
Correct subject-verb agreement
fails
show examples
 to choose
such
Linking Words
 major
science
Use synonyms
subjects
Use synonyms
.
In addition
Linking Words
, the scarcity of talented
science
Use synonyms
 lecturers prior to varsity level e.g. school and college in rustic areas
also
Linking Words
 contribute significantly to
this
Linking Words
 unwanted situation. Since there are not enough
science
Use synonyms
 learners at
post HSC
Add a hyphen
post-HSC
show examples
 levels, countless miserable incidents emerging from
this
Linking Words
 unwelcome condition may dent the advancement of a developing country.
For example
Linking Words
, in order to keep pace with modern technological trends, we need to excel
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
 principle of artificial intelligence. If learners tend to focus more on non-
science
Use synonyms
subjects
Use synonyms
, they’ll fail to learn the art of system control and automation, which results in more inclusion of non-skilled workers in AI-driven industry sectors and
hence
Linking Words
 less efficient output.
This
Linking Words
 phenomenon will extremely halt the prosperity of any developing nation.
Also
Linking Words
, people from local communities will be unaware
how
Change preposition
of how
show examples
 to use numerous automatic devices in their daily lives if they lack
of
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
proper knowledge of
science
Use synonyms
. To recapitulate
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 causes like
lack
Correct article usage
the lack
show examples
 of good
science
Use synonyms
 teachers plus the unwillingness to realize vital terms mainly contribute to the scarcity of
science
Use synonyms
 learners at
university
Use synonyms
 levels and the resultant detrimental impacts severely affect the community
plus
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 the nation itself.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Try to ensure that each paragraph has a single, clear main idea. This will help in maintaining logical flow and structure.
task achievement
Some of the points need to be further expanded or clarified to ensure that the ideas are fully developed.
task achievement
Try to use a wider range of vocabulary to express ideas more precisely.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, providing a good structure.
task achievement
The essay addresses both parts of the task, identifying reasons for the issue and its impacts on the community.
task achievement
The examples provided are relevant to the points being discussed.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: