IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people think the government should pay for health care and education, but there is no agreement about whether it is the government’s responsibility. What is your opinion?

#people #government #health #care #education #agreement #government’s #responsibility
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There are controversial perspectives heating up a debate over whether the authority ought to bear the cost
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 medical care and schooling.
While
 some claim that it is essential for the state to make an investment in the healthcare
system
 and the educational
system
, the opposite makes a statement that there is no consensus on whether it is held responsible to the governor. I would contend that the
authority
Fix the agreement mistake
authorities
show examples
had better have a certain degree of accountability for the healthcare
system
 and education systems.  Without a shadow of a doubt, the finances of medical and schooling should be supported by the government.
And the
Correct word choice
The
show examples
 explanation for
this
 is that it can enhance not only residents’ physical health but
also
 residents’ expertise, which makes a great contribution to the nation’s financial development.
For instance
, A wide range of countries with prosperous economies
such
 as Germany or Holland apply free-college
policy
Fix the agreement mistake
policies
show examples
 and provide social insurance for their inhabitants.
Thus
, It is of the essence for the governor to splurge money on those backbone industries. 
While
 the redeeming features of allocating money to the medical care
system
 and the school
system
 are widely acknowledged, it is not crucial that the state bears fully the expenditure for those facets.
This
 is
due to
 the fact that national coffer is not enough to cover it completely owing to the necessity of payment for alternatives.
For example
, building facilities, thriving tourism and expanding the entertainment industry can be cited as compelling instances
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 other aspects that the authority must make an investment
in
Change preposition
apply
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.
Hence
, the government is not obligated to
cast
Verb problem
pay
show examples
 full expenses
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
 healthcare and schooling.  In conclusion, supporting financially plays a paramount imperative role in the economic development of a country, those costs should not be funded entirely by the government’s budget.
Submitted by hominhtrang995 on

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Task Achievement
Your essay would benefit from a clearer introduction of your main argument at the beginning. Consider starting with a direct statement of your opinion before elaborating on supporting arguments.
Task Achievement
Your essay lacks specific examples to support your points. Including real-world examples or studies could strengthen your arguments significantly.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay sometimes suffers from a lack of coherence due to sentence structure and grammar issues. Try to review basic grammar rules and practice writing sentences that are clear and concise.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure your essay has a logical flow by planning a clear structure beforehand. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea, supported by examples and explanations.
Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction and conclusion could be more impactful. A clear thesis statement in your introduction and a concise summary of your main points in your conclusion would greatly improve your essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • fundamental human rights
  • boosts the country's economy
  • productivity
  • public funding
  • equality and accessibility
  • socio-economic status
  • privatized
  • disparities
  • prioritize
  • people's well-being
  • inefficiencies
  • bureaucratic challenges
  • mixed approach
  • optimize
  • quality
  • availability
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