IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

More and more people today are moving away from where their friends and family live.Do the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?

Nowadays,
people
Use synonyms
 do not sit in
one
Use synonyms
 place and are constantly looking for a better job, education or housing. And often in order to get what they desire, they force to move to another town or even country. Some
people
Use synonyms
 claim that there are a lot of benefits of moving
further
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,while other argue
that is
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 not. It is agreed that
such
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 changes in
people
Use synonyms
’s
life
Replace the word
lives
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 could be stressful,but
also
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 beneficial
Use synonyms
one
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
for
person
Add an article
a person
the person
show examples
.
This
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 essay will outline
main
Correct article usage
the main
show examples
 pros and cons of
this
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 statement.
To begin
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 with,as it was mentioned before there are a lot of various reasons why
people
Use synonyms
 are moving from their parents or friends. It can be job opportunities or creating own family or just
desire
Correct article usage
the desire
show examples
 to be alone . Anyway,
People
Use synonyms
 who live far from their
relatives
Use synonyms
 could experience mental health problems.
For instance
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,
latest
Add an article
the latest
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 research
of
Change preposition
by
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 American psychologist Ryan showed that lots of
student
Change to a plural noun
students
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 that have recently finished school and started studying
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 university and living far away from their home , almost 70
percentage
Replace the word
percent
show examples
 of them
suffering
Wrong verb form
suffer
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 from depression
different
Change preposition
in different
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 forms . To put
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in
Correct pronoun usage
it in
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 other words, all students that
Wrong verb form
begin
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begun
Add the particle
tobegun
show examples
 live separately ,get depressed because of
Correct article usage
the luck
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Correct your spelling
lack
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luck
Correct your spelling
lack
show examples
 of communication with their friends and family.
On the other hand
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 ,there are some benefits of living far from
relatives
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.
One
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 of the greatest
Use synonyms
one
Correct pronoun usage
ones
show examples
 is growth in professional life. Living alone could allow
person
Correct article usage
a person
show examples
be
Add the particle
to be
show examples
 more focused on work.
Also
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, separate living could help
people
Use synonyms
 recognise what they really admire doing and what they don't
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
because often family and friends could impose their interests and that’s why
people
Use synonyms
 often lose themselves.
Additionally
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, Moving far from home could help
people
Use synonyms
 to become more independent. So it is clearly seen that
advantages
Correct article usage
the advantages
show examples
 definitely outweigh
disadvantages
Correct article usage
the disadvantages
show examples
. To conclude, living far away
your
Change preposition
from your
show examples
relatives
Use synonyms
 could
seems
Change the verb form
seem
show examples
 stressful for
people
Use synonyms
,but
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the same time extremely beneficial
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
one
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
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,living far from your
relatives
Use synonyms
 gives
people
Use synonyms
chance
Correct article usage
a chance
show examples
 to improve themselves. It is advised to
people
Use synonyms
 take a risk and accept all changes.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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