IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In the past, people used to travel to see the differences from their home country. However, the sceneries in places around the world seem similar nowadays. What are the causes of these similarities? Do you think that the advantages of these similarities outweigh the disadvantages?

#people #travel #differences #home #country #sceneries #places #world #similarities
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It is without a doubt that more and more
countries
Use synonyms
 have become similar to some degree. In
this
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 essay, I will address the cause of
this
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 phenomenon and conclude with my perception.
Due to
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 the development of the internet, allows
people
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 to access information and knowledge simply through their phone, computer, or any kind of electronic device, which give us a chance to understand different
culture
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.
For example
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, nowadays,
people
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 can simply watch different
countries
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' movies on the web, or talk to
people
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 from different nations. By absorbing different
cultures
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' media and interacting with
people
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 from different
cultures
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, we can learn from each other,
in other words
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,
people
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 would extract the good
part
Fix the agreement mistake
parts
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 of others'
cultures
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 and combine them and mix
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
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 into a
culture
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that is
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 suitable for every place, which is the main reason why most of the
countries
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 are alike now.
Secondly
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, with technological advances,
traveling
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travelling
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 around the world is easy, and it is not only for humans but
also
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 for products.
As a result
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, international trade became viral, giving us the
privileged
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privilege
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 to purchase products worldwide.
For instance
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, we could buy a special cuisine from other regions in our
neighboring
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neighbouring
show examples
 supermarket.
However
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,
this
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 might lead to the loss of unique and diverse
cultures
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, because we no longer have to travel to a certain place to taste that particular taste.
Although
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countries
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 and cities are becoming more alike is an inevitable phenomenon and
people
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benefited
Wrong verb form
benefit
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 noticeably from it, I regard it as a double-edged sword. Nations having similarities will pose a detrimental effect on their origins,
moreover
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, it will reduce the diversity of
culture
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 in the future.
Therefore
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, we should try to stay in contact with other
countries
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alongside
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while
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 preserving our
culture
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.
Submitted by n0806ing on

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task response
The introduction is too brief and lacks a clear statement of the writer's position. The essay does not fully address the task, as it fails to discuss both the causes of the similarities and weigh the advantages and disadvantages. There is a need for a more focused and complete response to the task question.
coherence and cohesion
The essay lacks a clear and effective structure. The ideas are not presented in a logical sequence, and the connection between them is unclear. The conclusion is too brief and does not effectively summarize the main points. More cohesive devices and a stronger organization of ideas are required to improve coherence and cohesion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Globalization
  • Homogenization
  • Architectural uniformity
  • Cultural exchange
  • International brands
  • Tourism industry
  • Urban design
  • Economic development
  • Proliferation of media
  • Cultural norms
What to do next:
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