IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Some people believe that to give opportunities to the new generation companies should encourage high level employees who are older than 55 to retire. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #opportunities #generation #companies #level #employees
Recently, massive innovative enterprises have grown up fast. These units contain many
engineers
 of different ages. A bunch of artificial intelligence analogous technologies are getting mature so that their advanced products have got CE certification and are being exported to different European countries, like Germany, Britain, Spain, and so on.
Thus
, a batch of senior professional
engineers
, who have worked for three decades or more, are eager to be looked upon as core experts for
further
 customers' demands. It entirely disagrees that high-level employees need to be encouraged to quit at
age
Correct article usage
the age
show examples
 of 55 or over to serve those innovative employers. On the one hand, those who have accumulated long-term experience can deal with difficult engineering and technological solutions far more skillfully than young people. And, they can go on to contribute without worries about their families. Compared to young people, there are numerous older
engineers
 who can afford significant tasks based on their experience and competence.
Thus
, many of the creative projects can be delivered
well
Rephrase
as well
show examples
 as expected.
On the other hand
, humans who are over 55 years old would concentrate
to work
Change preposition
on working
show examples
 with high loyalty because they do not have any troubles regarding marriage, kid care, job career, and more.
Although
 the youth is vivacious with passions, a fast-developing project needs a mixed squad, which contains smart young members
as well as
 expert crews.
Likewise
, a released product can be well done by an internal team's cooperation and correction rather than one person's work.
For instance
, a successful aircraft development project consists of more than a thousand professionals, apparently, it is not possible to succeed in delivery without old experts. In conclusion, it is believed that new-generation companies require intelligent squad members with not only young
engineers
 but
also
 experienced older people to achieve targets. I do not inspire older employees to retire after 55 as they are.
Submitted by jackson.lingua on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Ensure that the essay directly responds to the prompt and fully addresses both viewpoints (agree and disagree) for a well-rounded argument.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, but ensure that the logical flow of ideas is maintained throughout the essay, connecting sentences and paragraphs more cohesively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: