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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Giving children and adolescents pocket money is common throughout the world. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this practice and give your own opinion.

#children #adolescents #pocket #money #world #practice
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Nowadays, choosing the right attitude for training
children
 has become crucial for parents around the world. Supporting adolescents through providing them with
money
, as one of these vital issues, has some pros and cons that I will elaborate on
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
,
besides
 my independent opinion. Paying
money
 to
children
 their parents, on
one
Correct article usage
the one
show examples
hand
Add the comma(s)
hand,
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 can make them heavily dependent on their family and on another hand could let them focus on their long-term goals rather than earning
money
. In fact, sometimes so high is
this
 financial dependence that youngsters
could not
Wrong verb form
cannot
show examples
 come up with their personal finance issues when they grow up and become
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
adult
Fix the agreement mistake
adults
show examples
.
On the contrary
, for most young men, being under pressure to finance their necessary costs, will distract them from focusing on their long-term growth like learning courses in high school. Generally speaking, I could not label giving
money
 to
children
 as an absolute right or deteriorating policy, and neither could anyone else.
However
,
personally
Add a comma
personally,
show examples
 I believe reasonable financial support by family, even in a monetary way, not only is not harmful but even is constructive for
children
's
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
. In fact, fathers, especially in opulent families, should avoid providing their teenagers with an abundance of
money
 and even in some cases let them bear mild stress. So they could learn how to manage their personal budget and not spend in a profligate way.
Also
, teenagers should have enough
money
 to defray their necessary expenditures like supplementary education costs and having regular normal hobbies with their close friends.
To conclude
, I believe, as with any other behavioural policies that any father or mother should take, there is no one-for-all prescription for letting teenagers receive their pocket
money
.
Therefore
, depending on the economic and social level of each family, a balanced attitude shall be chosen by parents toward
this
 problem.
Submitted by alirezamaleky73 on

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coherence cohesion
Develop your ideas in more detail and provide specific examples to support your points.
task achievement
Ensure you address all parts of the question, providing a balanced discussion of both advantages and disadvantages.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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