IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Nowadays children watch alot of TV and play video games. However, some people think that these activities are not good for a child's mental health.

#children #alot #tv #video #games #people #activities #child #health
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In
this
Linking Words
 modern era, technology plays a major role in our entire life. The use of screens and virtual
games
Use synonyms
 has been escalated by the majority of
children
Use synonyms
 which is considered detrimental to their minds. I totally agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement and will explain some of the reasons along with a logical conclusion in the end. Television and other gadgets
such
Linking Words
 as mobile phones, video
games
Use synonyms
 etc have many negative aspects.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, watching TV for long duration damage eyesight which, leads to mental illness.
For instance
Linking Words
, it is generally observed that minors who sit for a long time in front of a TV set mostly suffer mentally and lag behind in their studies which ruins their future life.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, video
games
Use synonyms
 engage
children
Use synonyms
 to a great extent,
as a result
Linking Words
, they lose the ability to interact with other people and are less social.
In other words
Linking Words
, these
children
Use synonyms
 have many behavioural issues which, do not allow them to move
further
Linking Words
 in their life
besides
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
, mostly wrong and out-of-context content
such
Linking Words
 as related to crimes unethical issues etc wastes a lot of an individual's time and ultimately results in defective brain development.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, television has a few positive aspects as well.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the minor remains updated on much different news. To illustrate
this
Linking Words
 point, many channels deliver information about common issues due to which
children
Use synonyms
 learn a lot.
Moreover
Linking Words
, playing video
games
Use synonyms
 substantially increases IQ levels ,
therefore
Linking Words
, it makes a child's mind more healthy and strong. To sum up,
although
Linking Words
 technology has brought some benefits to us,
however
Linking Words
, it has more negative effects if used over the time limit. In my opinion, the use of TV and
games
Use synonyms
 ought to be limited.
Submitted by drsanaghani on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: