IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that it government’s responsibility to transport children to school, while others think parents should get children to school. Discuss both views and give your own opinions.

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A lot of
children
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 have a very long way to
school
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.
This
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 can lead to losing a lot of time on their way to
school
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 or
also
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 mixing up their
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parents
Change noun form
parent's
parents'
show examples
 schedule. But is
this
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 the right thing to do, or should it be the
government
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's responsibility to get the
kids
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 to
school
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? In
this
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essay
Add a comma
essay,
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 the effect it has on the
parents
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 and the independence of the
children
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 will be analysed.
Firstly
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, it is very tough for the
government
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 to establish a
school
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 bus net, because many people are coming from very different directions, which makes it difficult to make it good for everyone.
For example
Linking Words
, when one person lives 30 kilometres away from
school
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, but
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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is the only one living there, it is mostly impossible to get public transportation for
this
Linking Words
 kid. On the other side,
children
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 would start getting more independent from their
parents
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, which would be a very positive argument.
Also
Linking Words
, the
parents
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 would be much less impacted by their day at work, if
school
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kids
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would be
Wrong verb form
were
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 brought home in the
government
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's responsibility. That would make life much easier for them. Another argument
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 is the environmental aspect. If not every parent would have to bring their
kids
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 to and from
school
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 by car, but have a
school
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 bus, much less carbon dioxide would be emitted. In conclusion, I believe that it should be the
government
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's responsibility to transport
children
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 to
school
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 in order to have everyone get the education they are allowed to get. By outweighing the pros and cons, it is very obvious that
parents
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 should not have to drive their
kids
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 to
school
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. It would be a great improvement to have
school
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 buses that are accessible to everyone.

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coherence cohesion
The logical structure of your essay is clear, with a good introduction and conclusion. However, some of the supporting points lack development and coherence.
task achievement
Your essay provides a complete response to the task with clear and comprehensive ideas. However, it would benefit from more specific and relevant examples to support your arguments.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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