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Band 5.5

Some people think that it government’s responsibility to transport children to school, while others think parents should get children to school. Discuss both views and give your own opinions.

#people #government’s #responsibility #transport #children #school #parents
A lot of
children
 have a very long way to
school
.
This
 can lead to losing a lot of time on their way to
school
 or
also
 mixing up their
parents
Change noun form
parent's
parents'
show examples
 schedule. But is
this
 the right thing to do, or should it be the
government
's responsibility to get the
kids
 to
school
? In
this
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
 the effect it has on the
parents
 and the independence of the
children
 will be analysed.
Firstly
, it is very tough for the
government
 to establish a
school
 bus net, because many people are coming from very different directions, which makes it difficult to make it good for everyone.
For example
, when one person lives 30 kilometres away from
school
, but
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is the only one living there, it is mostly impossible to get public transportation for
this
 kid. On the other side,
children
 would start getting more independent from their
parents
, which would be a very positive argument.
Also
, the
parents
 would be much less impacted by their day at work, if
school
kids
would be
Wrong verb form
were
show examples
 brought home in the
government
's responsibility. That would make life much easier for them. Another argument
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 is the environmental aspect. If not every parent would have to bring their
kids
 to and from
school
 by car, but have a
school
 bus, much less carbon dioxide would be emitted. In conclusion, I believe that it should be the
government
's responsibility to transport
children
 to
school
 in order to have everyone get the education they are allowed to get. By outweighing the pros and cons, it is very obvious that
parents
 should not have to drive their
kids
 to
school
. It would be a great improvement to have
school
 buses that are accessible to everyone.
Submitted by zebra1998 on

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coherence cohesion
The logical structure of your essay is clear, with a good introduction and conclusion. However, some of the supporting points lack development and coherence.
task achievement
Your essay provides a complete response to the task with clear and comprehensive ideas. However, it would benefit from more specific and relevant examples to support your arguments.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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