Film stars and music celebrities may earn a great deal of money and live in luxurious surroundings, but many of them lead unhappy lives. Do you agree?

#film #stars #music #celebrities #money #surroundings #lives

Actually, social media and the Internet allow many people to earn a great deal of money at levels never seen before. Above all in the Music, Television, and Cinema Industries, the new millionaire's rankings are incredible. My opinion, I strongly agree with

this

topic and my point of view will be discussed

further

Change preposition

in further

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paragraphs with a suitable conclusion. Supporting my agreement to the given statement, I believe that excessive access to all things in the world through money make a fell overload of emotions which at the end of the day generate sadness and depression, because if They do not have, the most important thing in the world, LOVE, They fell again absolutely empty in her souls. To cite an example, Nirvana, was a successful singer in the '90s but in her

last

days come down in a heavy depression in the end lose her life in a sad suicide.

In addition

, the cinema industry

also

has many cases of tragedies and early losses because the drugs and mental issues. Explaining against

this

statement, it is true that money can give access to a lot kind of things in the actual world but another hand drugs abuse with a less or inexistent group of real friends or family who can not support heavy situations in a challenging moment, make a fatal chain reaction and road to death.

As a result

cases of suicide and depression are increased in astronomic numbers. In conclusion, successful movies and music stars may turn her view to the misery and poor in many countries like Africa, Syria and many others who actually suffer from hunger and sickness. I believe that the aforementioned points are strongly supporting my viewpoint.

Submitted by edbaezp on Wed Nov 16 2022

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Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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6Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

283 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.5

Complete response

5.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Film stars and music celebrities may earn a great deal of money and live in luxurious surroundings, but many of them lead unhappy lives. Do you agree?

Fully explain your ideas

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Some people believe that young people should choose the jobs that they want, but other people think they should be more realistic and think more about their future. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

In many countries, the qualities of life in large cities is becoming worse. What are the cause for this problem? What measure should be taken to tackle this problem?

Some students take a year off and going to university in order to travel or to work. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

Some people think that university students should specialize in one subject, while others think universities should encourage students to learn a range of subjects. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Many governments think that economic progres is their most important foal. some people, however, think that other types of progress are equally important for a country. discuss both these views and give your own opinion.