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Band 5.5

In some countries, it is illegal for companies to reject job applicants for their age. Is this a positive or negative development?

#countries #companies #job #applicants #age #development
It is unlawful for companies in some countries to reject volunteers for jobs
due to
 their
age
. In my solid ,opinion
this
 is a negative trend
due to
 the reasons which will be discussed in the following paragraphs. On the one hand, some careers should have an
age
 limitation and if someone does it illegally, it may hurt them.
For instance
, research by a hardworking student at the University of New South Wales has shown that a girl who recently graduated from high school wanted to
work
 as a writer and poet in a well-known company. Not only didn't she have any experience, but she was
also
 only an
18 years old
Correct your spelling
18-year-old
 girl who couldn't stay outdoors until midnight
due to
 her family's permission. On
this
 occasion, that
office
 shared an announcement in which was written they only hired people
with
Change preposition
aged
show examples
age
 20 and over in their
office
 for
work
.
Thus
, she should wait and first go to university to study literature and gain many experiences on the subject.
On the other hand
, some youngsters just want to
work
 at lower ages because of its amusement and only for fun.
In addition
, they want to hire in a job to spend their time and don't really need its earnings,
whereas
 there are many older applicants who require the job.
For example
, a man with a sick mom who has no relatives needs to
work
 to pay for his mother's medicines and doctor's visits. On
this
 occasion, that man may lose the chance to
hire
Wrong verb form
be hired
show examples
 by the company because a youth had gotten it sooner.
Therefore
, the youths may mess up the
office
 and
this
 will decline the development trend of the
office
's
work
.
According to
 what has already been discussed in the above paragraphs, rejecting the applicants
due to
 their
age
 is illegal and in my idea
that is
 a negative development.
Submitted by bahar on

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task response
The essay demonstrates an attempt to address the task, but the response is only partially clear and complete. The arguments are somewhat relevant, but need further development and clarity.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, but need more coherence together. Ideas are somewhat organized, with some attempt to link them, but there is inconsistency in connecting ideas and paragraphs.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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