IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Due to so many young people dropping out from schools, the rate of unemployment is increasing and it affects our society in different ways. In your opinion, how can this situation be improved?

Nowadays, the percentage of people who do not have jobs has immensely escalated
and
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, and
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 the reason behind
this
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 is the
lagging
Check wording
lack
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 of offspring from schools and their study centres.
This
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 essay will argue the reasons for leaving schools, its effects on society and the solution to handle
this
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 problem. There are myriad reasons why students drop out of school.
To begin
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 with, in the majority of
cases
Add a comma
cases,
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 people cannot afford the expenses of institutes. Parents of these children struggle a lot
,
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;
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however
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, they cannot bear the financial load of their offspring's learning.
For
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this
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 reason, they stop sending their heir to study.
In other words
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, many secondary grades have few students
which
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, which
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 is a clear indication of quitting classes.
Secondly
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, the way of teaching the scion ought to be very interesting and full of fun
,
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apply
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nevertheless
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, unfortunately,
this
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 is not the case
and
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, and
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 the teaching staff do not deliver lectures in the required way.
As a result
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, pupils get bored and they prefer odd jobs
instead
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 of continuing
studies
Correct pronoun usage
their studies
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. All these above reasons
,
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apply
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 for leaving school have many negative aspects which influence our society badly. First of all, the percentage of unemployment goes up
which
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, which
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,
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apply
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 results in different types of crimes
such
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 as thefts, murders and rapes.
Moreover
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, the physical and mental health of our population will be affected badly
due to
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unawareness
Use the right word
awareness
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 of health because of
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
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 of education. There are solutions to these issues and can be solved with the assistance of all members of society
including
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, including
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 the government, teachers and parents. Higher authorities of the country should pay heed to the families ,especially poor ones and must help them financially.
Furthermore
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, teachers should introduce new ways of teaching for
more easy
Correct word choice
easier
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 understanding and learning for pupils.
To sum up
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, the rate of unemployment is increasing
due to
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 students leaving
education institutes
Replace the word
educational institutions
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which
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, which
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 leads to a lot of drawbacks to our environment. In my opinion, if
government
Correct article usage
the government
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, parents and teachers
will
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apply
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work hard for their new
generation
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generation,
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 it would ultimately lead to
overall
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 success and development of the world.

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structure
Add a clear plan in the intro and state the main points you will cover.
organization
Keep one main idea in each paragraph and give a few simple facts to explain it.
cohesion
Use small linking words to move from one idea to the next, like and, but, also, for example, therefore.
language
Check grammar and word form. Some phrases sound odd or wrong and make ideas hard to follow.
content
Provide real or simple facts to show the effect of dropouts, like jobs lost or school rules.
content
The essay shows the link between drop out and work and crime.
structure
The writer tries to give a plan to fix the issue.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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