IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sport facilities. Other, however, say that this would be little effects on public health and that other measures are required. Discuss both views and give your opinion

#people #health #sport #facilities #effects #measures
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There are controversial debates between people regarding the question that what is the best way to enhance public
health
Use synonyms
 status ,while one group consider pouring more money into sports infrastructures as the best solution, other argue that other measures must be taken into account. I personally side with
Correct article usage
the later
show examples
later
Correct your spelling
latter
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 view. On the one hand, it is needless to say that doing exercise regularly is one of the beneficial
way
Change to a plural noun
ways
show examples
 that individuals can benefit from to gain better
health
Use synonyms
 condition.
For instance
Linking Words
, a remarkable enhancement in controlling blood pressure have seen among those elders who used to attend
daily
Add an article
the daily
show examples
 exercise.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, setting a daily time for doing a bit of yoga can act as a game-changer in terms of handling chronic diseases like diabetes
Therefore
Linking Words
 it seems wise to allocate money to better commodities which might trigger more people to schedule
for
Change preposition
apply
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a daily routine physical activity.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there is no doubt in order to heighten public
wellbeing
Correct your spelling
well-being
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 other factors play an important role
likewise
Linking Words
. Lack of hospitals along
increasing
Change preposition
with increasing
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 population plus air pollution and its detrimental effects are becoming serious challenges on the way to
obtain
Wrong verb form
obtaining
show examples
 better
health
Use synonyms
. Take,
for example
Linking Words
, various research conducted by
health
Use synonyms
 scientists show a greater prevalence of
pulmonary
Add an article
the pulmonary
a pulmonary
show examples
 disease among urban citizens thanks to industrial fumes and burning fossil fuels and
this
Linking Words
 issue only can be tackled by improving air condition.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
lack
Correct article usage
the lack
show examples
 of high-quality hospitals and
health
Use synonyms
 care
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
Add the comma(s)
, in addition,
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in addition
Linking Words
 to
be
Change the verb form
being
show examples
 understaff defiantly can pose threat to public
health
Use synonyms
, which can be simply resolved by allocating more budget. In the final analysis,
however
Linking Words
 great benefits which are brought by means of exercise are undeniable. My firm conviction is that we must grasp the importance of other elements to reach to
optimal
Add an article
an optimal
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 level in terms of public
health
Use synonyms
.
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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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