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Band 4

Today more people are overweight than before. What in your opinion are the primary causes of this? What are the main effects of this epidemic?

#people #effects #epidemic
Nowadays, we can have almost everything we want in just about a click on our smartphones and it includes
food
. It is very quick and it is easier to place an order for
food
 on an app like Skip the
Dishers
Correct your spelling
Dishes
 or Uber
eats
Capitalize word
Eats
show examples
instead
 of
home
 cooking your own meal. The problem is that fast
food
 is not healthy and it is the main reason for the surge of overweight people than before.
First,
almost everybody is busy today, most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Adults are working all day long and there is
no
Correct your spelling
not
show examples
 much time to cook their
food
. Years ago, the majority of families used to have only one Adult member working, most the man and, the
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
 would stay
home
 taking care of the kids and the
home
 chores including cooking. Now, when both work it is hard to have a healthy life and ordering
food
 or stopping by a drive-thru looks like the way to go. Another fact is that social media and TV commercials are always presenting us with a new fast
food
 option that looks very appealing and, it helps us to
take
Correct your spelling
make
show examples
 the wrong decision
choosing
Rephrase
when choosing
show examples
 junk
food
.
On the other hand
,
this
 epidemic can
also
 cause a lot of health issues like high blood pressure, cholesterol and others. Overweight people are 40 per cent more
like
Correct your spelling
likely
show examples
 to have a heart attack than someone with an average weight. I have a friend that got a strong heart attack 2 years ago and he still facing some effects of it today his overweightness was pointed out as the main cause of the attack.
Overall
, the busy life we live today is the main cause of
overweighted
Add a missing verb
being overweighted
show examples
 in my opinion, of ,course we are free to choose what we eat ,
however
, it is way easier to buy
an Mc Donalds
Correct your spelling
a McDonald's
show examples
instead
 of preparing a
home
 meal.
Submitted by daniel on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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