A lot of old people are suffering from loneliness these days. They also lack physical fitness. What do you think are the reasons for this problem? Can you think of possible solutions?

#people #loneliness #lack #fitness

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Nowadays, a significant number of old people are becoming looner, they do not have physical

activities

Use synonyms

as well. In

this

Linking Words

essay, I will describe the ongoing reasons for

this

Linking Words

issue and address the possible solutions.

First,

Linking Words

we cannot ignore the consequences of social media, the human being

as a result

Linking Words

of progress in technology

becoming

Verb problem

causing

show examples

depressed

Replace the word

depression

show examples

and other mental health problems.

Therefore

Linking Words

old

Fix the agreement mistake

older

show examples

generations do not

want

Add the particle

want to

show examples

have any physical

activities

Use synonyms

as they compare themselves to influencers on Instagram, They

also

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suffer from loneliness as most children leave their parents and have their own

life

Fix the agreement mistake

lives

show examples

For instance

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, sadly, old society in Iran has been suffering from being alone more than ever as most of the occasions their children went abroad. One solution for

this

Linking Words

matter is to participate in the majority of classes.

Thus

Linking Words

, they have less time

for spending

Change preposition

to spend

show examples

on social media and thinking of their children. Second, one of the vital stuff which makes us who we are is our habits, things we are used to doing.

Accordingly

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, many things we do when we are old are stuff we have done in the past in our youth time. As an illustration, young people rather than playing outdoor games prefer to play online and

this

Linking Words

seriously harms their bodies and minds. So,

old

Fix the agreement mistake

older

show examples

generations should

make

Verb problem

show examples

physical exercise and socialise with other people their habits when they are young.

This

Linking Words

can be done by warning teenagers at schools to

have

Verb problem

make

show examples

these

activities

Use synonyms

a part of their lives

Correct word choice

so as to

show examples

not suffer in the future. In conclusion, these days, a lot of old communities are becoming alone and they do not have physical

activities

Use synonyms

as well. In

this

Linking Words

essay, I described the ongoing reasons for

this

Linking Words

issue and mentioned the possible solutions.

Submitted by meli_kh3000 on Fri Nov 18 2022

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Task Response

Ensure to fully address the prompt and provide a clear and focused response to the topic. There were some deviations from the main topic and more emphasis on social media instead of the reasons for loneliness and lack of physical fitness in old people.

Coherence and Cohesion

Improve the coherence and cohesion by organizing the essay into well-structured paragraphs. Ensure a clear introduction and conclusion as well as supporting each main point with appropriate examples and explanations.

Lexical Resource

Expand your range of vocabulary and use more varied and specific terms. Additionally, try to use more academic language and expressions to enhance your lexical resource.

Grammatical Range

Work on your grammatical accuracy and range. Review your sentence structures and aim for more complex and varied sentence patterns. Pay attention to subject-verb agreement and consistent verb tenses.

8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
10
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

292 words

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A lot of old people are suffering from loneliness these days. They also lack physical fitness. What do you think are the reasons for this problem? Can you think of possible solutions?

some people think that success in life comes form hard work and determination, while others think that there are more important factors such as money and appearance. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Although more and more people read the news on the Internet, newspaper will remain the most important source of news for the majority of people. Do you agree or disagree with that statement?

Some think they can use as much fresh water as they want, but others say governments should limit water use because it is not endless. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Some people say children no longer need to develop handwriting skills. Others believe that handwriting is still important. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.