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A lot of old people are suffering from loneliness these days. They also lack physical fitness. What do you think are the reasons for this problem? Can you think of possible solutions?

#people #loneliness #lack #fitness
Nowadays, a significant number of old people are becoming looner, they do not have physical
activities
 as well. In
this
 essay, I will describe the ongoing reasons for
this
 issue and address the possible solutions.
First,
we cannot ignore the consequences of social media, the human being
as a result
 of progress in technology
becoming
Verb problem
causing
show examples
depressed
Replace the word
depression
show examples
 and other mental health problems.
Therefore
,
old
Fix the agreement mistake
older
show examples
 generations do not
want
Add the particle
want to
show examples
 have any physical
activities
 as they compare themselves to influencers on Instagram, They
also
 suffer from loneliness as most children leave their parents and have their own
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
.
For instance
, sadly, old society in Iran has been suffering from being alone more than ever as most of the occasions their children went abroad. One solution for
this
 matter is to participate in the majority of classes.
Thus
, they have less time
for spending
Change preposition
to spend
show examples
 on social media and thinking of their children. Second, one of the vital stuff which makes us who we are is our habits, things we are used to doing.
Accordingly
, many things we do when we are old are stuff we have done in the past in our youth time. As an illustration, young people rather than playing outdoor games prefer to play online and
this
 seriously harms their bodies and minds. So,
old
Fix the agreement mistake
older
show examples
 generations should
make
Verb problem
do
show examples
 physical exercise and socialise with other people their habits when they are young.
This
 can be done by warning teenagers at schools to
have
Verb problem
make
show examples
 these
activities
 a part of their lives
to
Correct word choice
so as to
show examples
 not suffer in the future. In conclusion, these days, a lot of old communities are becoming alone and they do not have physical
activities
 as well. In
this
 essay, I described the ongoing reasons for
this
 issue and mentioned the possible solutions.
Submitted by meli_kh3000 on

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Task Response
Ensure to fully address the prompt and provide a clear and focused response to the topic. There were some deviations from the main topic and more emphasis on social media instead of the reasons for loneliness and lack of physical fitness in old people.
Coherence and Cohesion
Improve the coherence and cohesion by organizing the essay into well-structured paragraphs. Ensure a clear introduction and conclusion as well as supporting each main point with appropriate examples and explanations.
Lexical Resource
Expand your range of vocabulary and use more varied and specific terms. Additionally, try to use more academic language and expressions to enhance your lexical resource.
Grammatical Range
Work on your grammatical accuracy and range. Review your sentence structures and aim for more complex and varied sentence patterns. Pay attention to subject-verb agreement and consistent verb tenses.
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