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Some people say that feeling of competition should be incouraged in children others say they should be taught to become cooperative. What is your opinion?

#people #competition #children
It is
irrefutable
Correct article usage
an irrefutable
show examples
 fact that children always were and will be the future of the nation which is debatable and now has become more controversial. Some masses believe that the ladder to success goes through competition and youngsters should be encouraged by their parents and teachers
while
 others assume that being cooperative is the key to success. In my opinion, the former preposition appears more rational and in
this
 essay, I will shed light on both sides
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
thus
 leading to a logical conclusion.
To begin
 with, there
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
myriad
Add an article
a myriad
show examples
 of reasons which will
further
 elaborate the notion but the most preponderant
one
 stems from the fact that in every stage of
life
Add a comma
life,
show examples
 youth need to cooperate with everyone either it is their education journey or career.
In other words
, when an individual works in a multinational company, being a leader they have to be cooperative with everyone which will prove them a good show of their leadership skill. If a child learns it at their initial age
then
 it will help them in the later stage of life. Another pivotal aspect of
this
 trend is that by being cooperative,
one
 can be satisfied in later life.
For instance
, when a big company's CEO is cooperative with their staff and in ,return they
achieved
Wrong verb form
achieve
show examples
 higher success because of the worker's hard work. which is highly appreciated by the higher authorities.
Hence
, many people are in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
favour of
this
 trend. On the flip side of the topic, many individuals believe the
compitition
Correct your spelling
competition
 provides confidence in the students which will be rewarded as an accomplishment in their respective careers.
Moreover
,
Compitition
Correct your spelling
competition
also
 enhances their knowledge towards any subject.
For example
, when a student takes part in an art and craft
compitition
Correct your spelling
competition
competitions
, it will increase their creative thoughts and help them to be more creative with their artwork.
Furthermore
,
compitition
Correct your spelling
competition
 will
also
 come with the fear of looser, when runner-ups lose
due to
 minor points it will boost their fear and anxiety attacks
occurs
Correct subject-verb agreement
occur
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,
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 is why many people are against
this
 trend. To recapitulate,
according to
 the aforementioned above,
one
 can reach the conclusion that the benefits of being cooperative are instrumental as it provides benefits in the later stage
while
one
 should not ignore the latter fact of the
compitition
Correct your spelling
competition
 which is necessary
as well as
 harmful sometimes.
Submitted by sharma.divya.nid on

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task response
Address the prompt more directly and present clear arguments for each side of the debate
coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a clear logical structure and could benefit from more cohesive transitions between ideas

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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