Some people think that the education system should only focus on preparing students for employment, while others believe it has other important functions. Discuss both sides and then give your own opinion.

Many
people
feel that getting pupils ready for their careers should be
main
Add an article
the main
show examples
focus of
schools
,
Correct your spelling
whereas
show examples
where as
Correct your spelling
whereas
show examples
others believe that
schools
should have additional purposes.
This
essay discusses both sides of
this
argument and
then
I will give my own perspective. There are merits of
schools
only focusing on preparing young
people
for their working lives. If young
people
are better prepared for their careers they will be more successful in their working lives. As well as
this
, they will
also
make more money and be able to support themselves better. To illustrate, some recent stories in the media highlighted that
students
who finish high school are less likely to be unemployed, and more likely to earn higher salaries.
In addition
, by
schools
preparing young
people
for
jobs
Add a comma
,jobs
show examples
there will be a
better prepared
Add a hyphen
better-prepared
show examples
workforce.
This
benefits
society
by raising productivity and ensuring that employers have the necessary
labor
Change the spelling
labour
show examples
they need.
However
, there are
also
advantages of
schools
having other functions.
First
of all, they should teach
students
skills to make them well-rounded. By teaching communication skills and how to use technology the
students
will be
better rounded
Add a hyphen
better-rounded
show examples
individuals. Clearly, these are important skills in today’s
society
and so they should be learnt at school. As well as
this
schools
should teach morals and ethics because
this
will make
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
better. Many
people
feel that
this
aspect of schooling has become neglected, and has led to a deterioration of
society
. in conclusion, I believe both sides of the argument have their merits. On balance,
however
, it seems that
schools
should have other functions.
This
is because if the
students
are well-rounded they will be more successful in their lives and contribute more to
society
.
Submitted by vshashkova1987 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS

Practice speaking step by step, answer real-life questions, and build your confidence. Start your free trial and improve your speaking skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!