IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

The worldwide population of children aged 15 and younger is rising. What are the current and future advantages and disadvantages for countries with this kind of growth?

#population #children #future #countries #growth
The proportion of youth who are 15 years old and below has risen recently around the world in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
recent years. There are some benefits and drawbacks regarding it which I will examine
those
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
properly in
this
 essay. Starting with two strong points of having a vast
number
 of youth, namely a large and cheap workforce and economic growth. regarding the
first
 benefit, increasing
younger
Correct article usage
the younger
show examples
 group obviously leads to a larger and cheaper
employee
Fix the agreement mistake
employees
show examples
. It is a fact that as the quantity of workers grows the amount of taxes given will
also
 rise which will result in the improvement of a community by funding for greater projects.
On the other hand
, overcrowding of children and adolescents will cause
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
rising costs of health care and education.
Firstly
, as the
number
 of newborns began to climb, the health care system requires to provide sufficient services and support
such
 as vaccines in order to make them healthy and prevent the infants from disease.
Moreover
, as
this
 group of residents grow up, their need
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
for access to education emerges which is costly either for the government or the family. To summarize, while there are many
beneficial
Replace the word
benefits
show examples
 to have a youth population, the disadvantages
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
it
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 not negligible. go up the
earning
Correct your spelling
earnings
show examples
 will be declined.
For example
, China and India, which are considered to have the least expensive workers around the world, are the two countries with the most
number
 of people. Taking a look into the
second
 benefit,
development
Correct article usage
the development
show examples
 of a nation completely depends on the taxes paid by its people.
Therefore
, as the
number
 of people
Submitted by niligh on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: