IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people believe that famous people's support towards international aid organizations draws the attention to problems, while others think celebrities make the problems less important. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
People
Use synonyms
 have different views about whether
celebrities
Use synonyms
 play a positive role in helping to make
people
Use synonyms
 concerned about international aid issues. In my opinion, famous figures do attract the awareness of the public, but to some
extent
Add a comma
,extent
show examples
 they can be seen as a distraction and make individuals focus on them rather than on the
problems
Use synonyms
 themselves.
Celebrities
Use synonyms
 can undoubtedly draw
people
Use synonyms
's
attention
Use synonyms
 for a variety of reasons.
Firstly
Linking Words
, famous
people
Use synonyms
 have a large number of fans who are crazy about them and these followers would tend to imitate the behaviour of
idols
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, Yao Ming, a sports icon in China, dedicated himself to charity and wildlife conservation and asked the public to help those in need,
therefore
Linking Words
 a lot of his fans were aware of the
problems
Use synonyms
 and donated their money to charity as well.
Secondly
Linking Words
, famous figures are more influential in comparison with average
people
Use synonyms
 and they have the opportunities to speak in front of the public media.
This
Linking Words
 means that their actions and support can be seen as an advertising campaign, which can draw
people
Use synonyms
's
attention
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, sometimes
people
Use synonyms
 may just focus on their
idols
Use synonyms
 and have no idea about what the real
problems
Use synonyms
 are. Some followers of superstars are easily influenced and affected by their
idols
Use synonyms
. They lack the ability to think critically and follow their
idols
Use synonyms
' instructions without any hesitation. In
this
Linking Words
 case, they are actually paying
attention
Use synonyms
 to the
celebrities
Use synonyms
 rather than to the
problems
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 may lead to a detrimental impact and make the situation even worse. In conclusion, while the support by
celebrities
Use synonyms
 towards international
problems
Use synonyms
 can attract
people
Use synonyms
's
attention
Use synonyms
, some of their followers are in fact caring about their
idols
Use synonyms
 and
this
Linking Words
 could make the
problems
Use synonyms
 less important.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • endorse
  • international aid organizations
  • public awareness
  • amplify
  • advocacy
  • systemic change
  • oversimplification
  • trivialization
  • undermining
  • severity
  • misinformed advocacy
  • distorts
  • hamper
  • guided by experts
  • constructive
  • strategically
What to do next:
Look at other essays: