IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people believe that women should play an equal role as men in a country's police force or military force. such as the army, while others think women are not suitable for these kinds of jobs. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #women #role #men #country #police #force #army #kinds #jobs
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In
this
Linking Words
Correct your spelling
contemporary
contampory
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contemporary
 era,
women
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 are considered
as
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apply
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equal to
men
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. Here the debate is about some group of people
Correct pronoun usage
who think
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think
Wrong verb form
thinking
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 that every
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women
Change to a singular noun
woman
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 have a right to
work
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 in
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defence
Correct article usage
the defence
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sector
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 as equal to
men
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 ;
however
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, others are considered that
women
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 are not suitable for it. I side with both statements and it will
be discuss
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be discussed
show examples
 in ensuing paragraphs.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, nowadays many countries giving
prefferance
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preference
 to
women
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 to
work
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 in
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defence
Add an article
the defence
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sector
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 in order to
acheveing
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achieving
milestone
Fix the agreement mistake
milestones
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 in gender equality awareness. To make it more clear, all countries think that if they allow
women
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 in
Use synonyms
defence
Correct article usage
the defence
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sector
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then
Linking Words
 they may
work
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 harder than
men
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 in order to prove themselves.
For instance
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, in India, Kerala is the
first
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 state to recruit more than ten lady officers who are working very well.
On the other hand
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, many people are
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against
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aginst
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against
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 females
to
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working
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work
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 in
police
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the police
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 and
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military
miletry
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military
 force as they are not fit. To make it more clear, any
work
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 in the
defence
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sector
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 needs physical strength
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
which
women
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 are not comfortable
.
Change preposition
with.
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Secondly
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,
women
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also
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 have other duties to play in their homes. If they
work
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 in the police or military,
then
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 they can not able to justify both sides.
For instance
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, many
women
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 left their
work
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 in order to play their duties. To sum up, I think that
women
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 should
work
Use synonyms
 in the police and military force;
however
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, they have to make themselves strong as equal to
men
Use synonyms
 and
also
Linking Words
 learn to give justification for both sides.
Submitted by mansikalvani9 on

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