IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people believe that women should play an equal role as men in a country's police force or military force. such as the army, while others think women are not suitable for these kinds of jobs. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #women #role #men #country #police #force #army #kinds #jobs
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In
this
Correct your spelling
contemporary
contampory
Correct your spelling
contemporary
 era,
women
 are considered
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
equal to
men
. Here the debate is about some group of people
Correct pronoun usage
who think
show examples
think
Wrong verb form
thinking
show examples
 that every
women
Change to a singular noun
woman
show examples
 have a right to
work
 in
defence
Correct article usage
the defence
show examples
sector
 as equal to
men
 ;
however
, others are considered that
women
 are not suitable for it. I side with both statements and it will
be discuss
Change the verb form
be discussed
show examples
 in ensuing paragraphs.
To begin
 with, nowadays many countries giving
prefferance
Correct your spelling
preference
 to
women
 to
work
 in
defence
Add an article
the defence
show examples
sector
 in order to
acheveing
Correct your spelling
achieving
milestone
Fix the agreement mistake
milestones
show examples
 in gender equality awareness. To make it more clear, all countries think that if they allow
women
 in
defence
Correct article usage
the defence
show examples
sector
then
 they may
work
 harder than
men
 in order to prove themselves.
For instance
, in India, Kerala is the
first
 state to recruit more than ten lady officers who are working very well.
On the other hand
, many people are
Correct your spelling
against
show examples
aginst
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against
show examples
 females
to
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working
show examples
work
 in
police
Correct article usage
the police
show examples
 and
Correct your spelling
military
miletry
Correct your spelling
military
 force as they are not fit. To make it more clear, any
work
 in the
defence
sector
 needs physical strength
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
which
women
 are not comfortable
.
Change preposition
with.
show examples
Secondly
,
women
also
 have other duties to play in their homes. If they
work
 in the police or military,
then
 they can not able to justify both sides.
For instance
, many
women
 left their
work
 in order to play their duties. To sum up, I think that
women
 should
work
 in the police and military force;
however
, they have to make themselves strong as equal to
men
 and
also
 learn to give justification for both sides.
Submitted by mansikalvani9 on

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