IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Despite a variety of sport facilities and gyms, people are less fit nowadays than ever before. What do you think are the main causes of this problem? What solutions can you suggest?

#variety #sport #facilities #gyms #people
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Although
Linking Words
 nowadays there are a lot of
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
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Correct your spelling
facilities
facilieties
Correct your spelling
facilities
 and easily accessible gyms, the majority of people are less fit than in the past decades. Below I will discuss my point of view, which is the different
type
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types
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 of cuisine that we are consuming.
To begin
Linking Words
 with,
overweight
Add a missing verb
being overweight
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 and
fitness
Add a missing verb
having fitness
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 problems are always associated with unhealthy meals which affect our
body
Fix the agreement mistake
bodies
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with
Change preposition
in
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a
Correct article usage
apply
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bad shape. To be more precise eating
a fast
Remove the article
fast food
a portion of fast food
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food
Use synonyms
 after doing
a gym activities
Correct the article-noun agreement
gym activities
a gym activity
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 is a common practice nowadays, but unfortunately is a reason
that
Correct determiner usage
apply
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of
Change preposition
for
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 poor health
condition
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conditions
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.
In addition
Linking Words
 to eating rubbish
food
Use synonyms
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
busy life of folks
are
Change the verb form
is
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 spending more time on work for firms rather than looking at their body shape.
For instance
Linking Words
, work hours nowadays are consuming almost half of the day which
mean
Correct subject-verb agreement
means
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 that the time
that is
Linking Words
 dedicated to enhancing body
Correct your spelling
strength
stength
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strength
 or
loss
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losing
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 some weight is not enough.
On the other
Linking Words
hand
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,hand
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 there are many ways to tackle
this
Linking Words
 issue in my view, the important ones are; more regulation
on
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of
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 the fast
food
Use synonyms
 industry and
encourage
Wrong verb form
encouraging
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 individuals to involve in
sport
Change the noun form
sports
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 activities. In
term
Fix the agreement mistake
terms
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 of regulation: governments must take serious
measurements
Replace the word
measures
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 to reduce the number of fast
food
Use synonyms
establishment
Fix the agreement mistake
establishments
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 as well as
imposing
Wrong verb form
impose
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 more taxes for both producers and buyers.
For example
Linking Words
, low prices of unhealthy meals are the main reason for the high demand on it so, if the prices go up, the demand is going to decline immediately.
Linking Words
Furthermore
Add a comma
,Furthermore
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 we should motivate people to
Correct your spelling
participate
partecipate
Correct your spelling
participate
 in gyms and other physical places. In conclusion, the widespread of unhealthy meal providers
in addition
Linking Words
 to our busy lifestyle nowadays are the major causes of
abandon
Wrong verb form
abandoning
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 physical facilities.
However
Linking Words
, the most effective solution
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 to practice more control over unhealthy manufactories at the same time
with
Change preposition
by
show examples
 encouraging individuals to do some activities.
Submitted by metiuqu04 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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