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Band 3.5

In many cities, problems related to overpopulation are becoming more common. Some governments are now encouraging businesses and individuals to move out of cities to rural areas. Do the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?

#cities #overpopulation #governments #businesses #individuals #move #areas #trend
Nowadays, overpopulation is one of the main problems in many
cities
. That’s why some governments are inspiring businesses and individuals to move out
cities
Change preposition
of cities
show examples
 to rural
areas
. I believe
advantages
Correct article usage
the advantages
show examples
 of
this
 trend outweigh its disadvantages
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because pollution in big
cities
 and traffic
jam
Fix the agreement mistake
jams
show examples
 affect
people
 in a bad way. On the one hand, moving
one
Change preposition
from one
show examples
 city to another can be difficult for
people
, because it can be hard for individuals to adapt new area. It will affect
people
’s living standards, as there is
better
Correct article usage
a better
show examples
 medical care system, employment opportunities and entertainment options in big
cities
.
On the other hand
, there are a number of advantages
moving
Change preposition
to moving
show examples
people
 and businesses to rural
areas
.
First
 of all, it will decrease the number
cars
Change preposition
of cars
show examples
 in
cities
 and reduce the traffic jam.
As a result
,
this
 will increase
happiness
Correct article usage
the happiness
show examples
level
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
show examples
 among
people
.
Secondly
, as many factories are in big
cities
, pollution is more in these
cities
compare
Wrong verb form
compared
show examples
 to rural
areas
. Increasing waste
of
Change preposition
from
show examples
 oil factories,
producing
Replace the word
production
show examples
poisonous
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of poisonous
show examples
 gas from vehicles
affect
Correct subject-verb agreement
affects
show examples
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
 health. Because of
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 reasons, moving out to rural
areas
 help individuals to live much
Correct quantifier usage
more healthy
show examples
healthy
Change the word
healthily
show examples
. In conclusion,
although
 it can be stressful for
people
 to move their homes
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
first
 sight,
this
 procedure will help
people
 to
free
Add a missing verb
be free
show examples
 from traffic
jam
Fix the agreement mistake
jams
show examples
 and health issues.
Submitted by manqanat1 on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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