Do you agree or disagree with the following statement the desire for higher status or greater wealth then others is what motivates most people to succeed in the word. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement ?

It
is often argue
Change the verb form
is often argued
show examples
that
greater
Correct article usage
the greater
show examples
affluent (rich) or high social level is more influential than others among
people
be successful around the world. I totally agree with
this
statement because they are more factors in terms of
job
satisfaction and personal fulfilment
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
much
important
Correct quantifier usage
more important
show examples
than wealth for the following reason As
follow
Change the verb form
following
show examples
. The main reason I disagree is that the association between salary
job
Correct word choice
and job
show examples
satisfaction is very weak
that is
the fact that there is little evidence we show that
money
motivate
Change the verb form
motivates
show examples
people
, yet, the reality is actually not convincing. There is no exact number
how
Change preposition
of how
show examples
many
people
should earn, even if research were unlimited, it would be difficult to identify if someone is successful. Another point to make is that when employees who focus
to
Replace the word
too
show examples
much
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
making
money
prevent themselves
for
Change preposition
from
show examples
enjoying their
job
makes
even
Correct pronoun usage
it even
show examples
worse for the
company
Change noun form
company's
show examples
performance.
For instance
, my cuisine used to work overtime and found his
job
very enjoyable rather than
regular
Correct pronoun usage
his regular
show examples
job
the possible explanation is that with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
time he learnt to do the
job
according to his ability and he was successfully happy
On the other hand
, all
people
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
different
Add an article
a different
show examples
interest. It is indisputable fact that
money
can have some part of
people
’s attention.
However
, not all
people
can have
same
Add an article
the same
show examples
interest
Fix the agreement mistake
interests
show examples
.
People
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
different motivation source while they are working. Having more wealth
not
Add a missing verb
is not
show examples
only
biggest
Correct article usage
the biggest
show examples
factor but
also
some
people
desire to have more respect from society. I have a friend who is
teacher
Add an article
a teacher
the teacher
show examples
in Istanbul. He is
very
Add an article
a very
show examples
clever person. His university exam result was enough to be
doctor
Add an article
a doctor
show examples
. To do so he could have more wealth, since,
Correct article usage
the doctor
show examples
doctor
Change noun form
doctor's
show examples
salary
far
Add a missing verb
is far
show examples
more than
Correct article usage
the teacher
show examples
teacher
Change noun form
teacher's
show examples
salary. He
prefer
Change the verb form
prefers
show examples
to be
doctor
Add an article
a doctor
show examples
instead
of to be a
doctor
. He said that I want to raise
up
Change preposition
apply
show examples
children. He
believe
Change the verb form
believes
show examples
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
that being
teacher
Replace the word
taught
show examples
the most respectful
job
in the world. In conclusion, we can’t refuse the power of
money
how
motivate
Add the particle
to motivate
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
. But it is not
only
Add an article
the only
show examples
factor that can motivate
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
. I don’t
agree
Add the preposition
onagree
toagree
withagree
show examples
the idea that
money
motivate
Change the verb form
motivates
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
to make
them
Correct pronoun usage
themselves
show examples
successful. Because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
people
will realise that while they are earning big amount of
money
they will lose a lot of something in their life when if they insist on that goal.
Submitted by altay0527 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: