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Band 5

Society advance more most when people break from the traditions of the heir predecessors. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement

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Nowadays there is a belief that
people
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 should marry before their thirty. It is believed to be
the
Change the article
a
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 perfect age in order to have a happier family. I recon and many surveys have shown
people
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 who get married in their 20s usually have
long
Add an article
a long
show examples
Use synonyms
marriage
Fix the agreement mistake
marriages
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 and stronger
relationship
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relationships
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.
In
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addition
Add a comma
,addition
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 they can look after with children more meticulously.
First
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 of all, getting married early is one of the most imperative decisions that individuals should take into consideration because of many reasons. The
first
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 and foremost is that you will have a stable life. The Norway University conducted a survey in 2002 on 50 families, and it
has
Unnecessary verb
apply
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showed
Change the verb form
shown
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 that
people
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 who have early
marriage
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 have
long term
Add a hyphen
long-term
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of
Change preposition
apply
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happiness.
Moreover
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, they
also
Linking Words
 look after their children more carefully than families who have late age
Use synonyms
marriage
Fix the agreement mistake
marriages
show examples
Linking Words
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 is due to the fact of the huge generation gap between the children and the parents.
On the other hand
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,
people
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’s needs have changed
last
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 century. They used to get married in their early 20 before.
Nonetheless
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, now they tend to marry at a very late age or they never get married.
In addition
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,
this
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 movement has spoiled
regular
Correct article usage
the regular
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 traditional family structure.
Consequently
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, they stay away
of
Change preposition
from
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 being a part of a couple and don’t want to have commitment.
Therefore
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, the population is getting old day by day, and we lose the support of
manufacturing
Correct article usage
the manufacturing
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 workforce. To sum up,
people
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 who have early
marriage
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 tend to have a
long term
Add a hyphen
long-term
show examples
relationship
Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
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 and they raise up
more
Correct article usage
a more
show examples
 responsible generation.
Otherwise
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, our traditional family pattern will spoil
by
Change preposition
over
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 time because they will refuse to marry, and it will affect our young population negatively.

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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