Some people thing that all university student should study whatever like. Others believe that they should only be allowed to study subjects that will be useful in the future, such as those related to science and technology Discuss both these views and give your opinion

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Nowadays, some
of
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apply
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people consider that
student
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who
enrolled
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enrol
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university
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on university
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should have
compulsory
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a compulsory
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curriculum that
including
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includes
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positive science and technology,
however
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,
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on another
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another
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other
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side think about adverse they defend young individual is adult enough. They can choose whatever they want to study. In
this
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essay, I will argue with
that
Correct determiner usage
apply
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both
side
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sides
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how
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
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the young generation.
Firstly
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, people growing more conscious
individual
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individuals
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.
Therefore
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, they tend to complete more qualified education. With
develop
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developed
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technology it is easy to
make
Verb problem
conduct
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a
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apply
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research
the
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on the
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topic is no matter. Young people know
good
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apply
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how to use
in
Correct pronoun usage
it in
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order to gain information. They know
,
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apply
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whether
that is
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beneficial or not.
Government
Correct article usage
The government
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don’t have a right to give
student
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compulsory
lesson
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. They are now a mature individual. If they want to be music
teacher
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teachers
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, math
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lesson
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lessons
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should not be imposed
to
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on
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them.
Doing
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By doing
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so,
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Add an article
the student
a student
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student
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students
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can have more
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lesson
Fix the agreement mistake
lessons
show examples
what
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in what
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they are interested in. so we can have
more
Add an article
a more
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qualified
profession
Replace the word
professionals
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. I have a friend in America
their
Correct pronoun usage
whose
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education system
based
Add a missing verb
is based
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on
student
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choose
Replace the word
choice
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.
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Student
Fix the agreement mistake
Students
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free
Add a missing verb
are free
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to choose whatever
lesson
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they want.
For instance
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, you are
science
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a science
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student
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, you want to be
scientist
Correct article usage
a scientist
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or engineer etc
..
Replace the punctuation
.
...
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You can free to choose how many positive science
Use synonyms
lesson
Change to a plural noun
lessons
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you want
to
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apply
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.
On the other hand
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your main side
also
Linking Words
math
Correct word choice
and physic
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physic
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physics
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you can
free to
Verb problem
apply
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choose history,
geography
Correct word choice
or geography
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if you have
such
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kind of interest.
Secondly
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, unfortunately
big
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a large
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amount of government
teach
Wrong verb form
teaching
show examples
Use synonyms
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
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prepared compulsory
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lesson
Fix the agreement mistake
lessons
show examples
.
Use synonyms
Student
Add an article
The student
A student
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does not have
right
Correct article usage
the right
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to what they want to learn. Maybe they
taught
Verb problem
thought
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it
is
Wrong verb form
was
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beneficial for them.
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
However,
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it is really impossible to make
generalisation
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generalisations
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for all
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student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
. Because
,
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apply
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every individual
completely
Add a missing verb
is completely
show examples
different they have
different
Add an article
a different
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learning process. When I was
university
Change preposition
at university
show examples
, I had a friend in university. He is always entering more
Use synonyms
lesson
Fix the agreement mistake
lessons
show examples
in order to apprehend we were thinking always
instead
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of
Use synonyms
lesson
Fix the agreement mistake
lessons
show examples
which we don’t need in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
profession
Replace the word
professional
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life we could have more
Use synonyms
lesson
Fix the agreement mistake
lessons
show examples
which are related
with
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to
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our job. In conclusion,
although
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prepared
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
compulsory education have a good reason in its root, it is not effective
as
Linking Words
well as
Rephrase
apply
show examples
the system that
student
Use synonyms
can
chance
Correct your spelling
change
show examples
their
Change the word
the
show examples
lesson
Use synonyms
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
they want to learn. I Agree with
idea
Correct article usage
the idea
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that
Use synonyms
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
have a right to choose whatever they want to learn. Even if it is
wrong
Correct article usage
a wrong
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decision they are adult enough to endure their wrong decision
instead
Linking Words
of
endure
Wrong verb form
enduring
show examples
others
Change noun form
others'
other's
show examples
wrong decision
Submitted by altay0527 on

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coherence cohesion
The essay demonstrates some coherence and cohesion, but lacks a clear logical structure. The introduction and conclusion are present, but they could be improved for better impact. The main points are supported, but they could be further developed and connected for better flow.
task achievement
The essay partially addresses the task with a somewhat complete response. The ideas are somewhat clear and comprehensive, but they lack specific relevant examples and could benefit from a more focused approach on the given topic.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

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Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Motivation
  • Well-rounded education
  • Critical thinking
  • Job markets
  • Economic demand
  • Skilled workers
  • Practical application
  • Innovation
  • Societal progress
  • Passion
  • Pragmatism
  • Future job prospects
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