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Band 4

Some people thing that all university student should study whatever like. Others believe that they should only be allowed to study subjects that will be useful in the future, such as those related to science and technology Discuss both these views and give your opinion

#people #university #student #study #subjects #future #science #technology
Nowadays, some
of
Change preposition
apply
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people consider that
student
 who
enrolled
Wrong verb form
enrol
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university
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on university
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 should have
compulsory
Add an article
a compulsory
show examples
 curriculum that
including
Replace the word
includes
show examples
 positive science and technology,
however
,
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on another
show examples
another
Correct quantifier usage
other
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 side think about adverse they defend young individual is adult enough. They can choose whatever they want to study. In
this
 essay, I will argue with
that
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
both
side
Fix the agreement mistake
sides
show examples
 how
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
show examples
 the young generation.
Firstly
, people growing more conscious
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
show examples
.
Therefore
, they tend to complete more qualified education. With
develop
Wrong verb form
developed
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 technology it is easy to
make
Verb problem
conduct
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a
Remove the article
apply
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research
the
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on the
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 topic is no matter. Young people know
good
Correct word choice
apply
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how to use
in
Correct pronoun usage
it in
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 order to gain information. They know
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 whether
that is
 beneficial or not.
Government
Correct article usage
The government
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 don’t have a right to give
student
 compulsory
lesson
. They are now a mature individual. If they want to be music
teacher
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teachers
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, math
lesson
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lessons
show examples
 should not be imposed
to
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on
show examples
 them.
Doing
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By doing
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 so,
Add an article
the student
a student
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student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
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 can have more
lesson
Fix the agreement mistake
lessons
show examples
what
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in what
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 they are interested in. so we can have
more
Add an article
a more
show examples
 qualified
profession
Replace the word
professionals
show examples
. I have a friend in America
their
Correct pronoun usage
whose
show examples
 education system
based
Add a missing verb
is based
show examples
 on
student
choose
Replace the word
choice
show examples
.
Student
Fix the agreement mistake
Students
show examples
free
Add a missing verb
are free
show examples
 to choose whatever
lesson
 they want.
For instance
, you are
science
Correct article usage
a science
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student
, you want to be
scientist
Correct article usage
a scientist
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 or engineer etc
..
Replace the punctuation
.
...
show examples
 You can free to choose how many positive science
lesson
Change to a plural noun
lessons
show examples
 you want
to
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apply
show examples
.
On the other hand
 your main side
also
 math
Correct word choice
and physic
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physic
Fix the agreement mistake
physics
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 you can
free to
Verb problem
apply
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choose history,
geography
Correct word choice
or geography
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 if you have
such
 kind of interest.
Secondly
, unfortunately
big
Correct word choice
a large
show examples
 amount of government
teach
Wrong verb form
teaching
show examples
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 prepared compulsory
lesson
Fix the agreement mistake
lessons
show examples
.
Student
Add an article
The student
A student
show examples
 does not have
right
Correct article usage
the right
show examples
 to what they want to learn. Maybe they
taught
Verb problem
thought
show examples
 it
is
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
 beneficial for them.
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
 it is really impossible to make
generalisation
Fix the agreement mistake
generalisations
show examples
 for all
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
. Because
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 every individual
completely
Add a missing verb
is completely
show examples
 different they have
different
Add an article
a different
show examples
 learning process. When I was
university
Change preposition
at university
show examples
, I had a friend in university. He is always entering more
lesson
Fix the agreement mistake
lessons
show examples
 in order to apprehend we were thinking always
instead
 of
lesson
Fix the agreement mistake
lessons
show examples
 which we don’t need in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
profession
Replace the word
professional
show examples
 life we could have more
lesson
Fix the agreement mistake
lessons
show examples
 which are related
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 our job. In conclusion,
although
prepared
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
compulsory education have a good reason in its root, it is not effective
as
well as
Rephrase
apply
show examples
the system that
student
 can
chance
Correct your spelling
change
show examples
their
Change the word
the
show examples
lesson
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
they want to learn. I Agree with
idea
Correct article usage
the idea
show examples
 that
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 have a right to choose whatever they want to learn. Even if it is
wrong
Correct article usage
a wrong
show examples
 decision they are adult enough to endure their wrong decision
instead
 of
endure
Wrong verb form
enduring
show examples
others
Change noun form
others'
other's
show examples
 wrong decision
Submitted by altay0527 on

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coherence cohesion
The essay demonstrates some coherence and cohesion, but lacks a clear logical structure. The introduction and conclusion are present, but they could be improved for better impact. The main points are supported, but they could be further developed and connected for better flow.
task achievement
The essay partially addresses the task with a somewhat complete response. The ideas are somewhat clear and comprehensive, but they lack specific relevant examples and could benefit from a more focused approach on the given topic.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Motivation
  • Well-rounded education
  • Critical thinking
  • Job markets
  • Economic demand
  • Skilled workers
  • Practical application
  • Innovation
  • Societal progress
  • Passion
  • Pragmatism
  • Future job prospects
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