IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Some people think that professional sports players earn too much salary, especially when they do not seem to help people and societies the way people of other occupations such as doctors, teachers and soldiers do. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#people #sports #players #salary #societies #occupations #doctors #teachers #soldiers
There are opinions that athletes have got so much income, even though they do not help other
people
 or any society as the other jobs have much to do,
such
 as doctors or soldiers. To be honest, I actually agree with the perspective that they should be decreasing the large numbers of money for sports players. Particularly, when comparing the incomes of a circle of athletes with other professors that could be beneficial for every society and the larger community.
For example
, most soldiers have been working hard and staying at risk of their life when they are doing their duty. Because the objective of soldiers is to protect any country that they were born in.
Furthermore
, they waste a piece of personal time and quality time that they should spend with their family.
Thus
, they deserve to get more salary than they used to earn.
Moreover
, think about the duties of doctors, they have been working hard since they were students. Everyone knows that it is not easy to be a doctor without patience and discipline, young adults want to be doctors because they have the spirit and objectives to help other
people
 to be healthier.
On the other hand
, the field of sports gets a lot of attention from some groups of
people
 but brings a lot of income, maybe equal to someone they are famous in the circle of entertainment,
that is
 enough to make a property owner
such
 a billionaire. Even though they rarely help other
people
 or do anything that can be beneficial to society.
However
, nothing they have gotten without any trying or patience , even if you are a doctor or an athlete. In conclusion, There are not enough reasons for athletes to get a lot of income and
that is
 more than necessary paid in one's daily life. While many folks have not gotten enough salary to live in the world.
Submitted by kanoknatkp on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: