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Band 4.5

Most of the world’s poor live in countries where tourism is a growth industry. The issue is that tourism does not benefit the poor. How can the income generated by tourism benefit the poor? And how can we ensure that tourism does not destroy traditional culture and ways of life?

#world’s #countries #tourism #growth #industry #benefit #income #culture #life
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Nowadays most
people
 like to explore new things or likes to have new
experiences
 and travel globally. In a country like India poverty is increasing day by day, as poor
people
also
 have the same dreams as we do even though they have a right to explore the world.
Tourism
 can help poor
people
 by funding some income to them so that they can save it for their future. There are billions of
people
 who are travelling for their business,
tourism
 and many more if they give
a
Correct article usage
apply
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half a
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
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 to poor
people
 it will benefit them. Perhaps some
country
Fix the agreement mistake
countries
show examples
 do not pay attention to the poor and they keep it to themselves stating that they will be funding
countries
Change noun form
countries'
country's
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 growth and development. the income generated by
tourism
 will
also
 benefit
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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for
Change preposition
apply
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their children who
wants
Change the verb form
want
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 to study but cannot study because they do not have enough money to provide them
a
Add the preposition
with a
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good education, have will decrease
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
poverty in specific countries. I personally feel that
tourism
 does not destroy any traditional culture but
encourage
Correct subject-verb agreement
encourages
show examples
 other
people
 to travel and gives them new
experiences
.
For example
, if I went to Dubai and explored amazing places I will definitely come and will tell my family and friends what I have explored and what all new
experiences
 I have discovered and gain a lot of information it will not only excites
people
 but
also
 keen them to do the same experience I had. It does not destroy anything but will help
people
 to see other country culture food and surroundings. As discussed above it states about
the
Correct article usage
apply
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poverty , new
experiences
, how it will help for poor,
how
Correct word choice
and how
show examples
 will they get opportunities to do something new every year. The conclusion to all of these refers that in
tourism
 industries there is profit and they should use it wisely
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
keeping everything in mind they should help needy
people
 who want it rather than faking things for countries. It is a democratic world and everyone has a right to live.
Submitted by kaiflohiya12 on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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