IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Students perform better in schools when they are rewarded rather than punished. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#students #schools
Students
 are rewarded when they do something good in their academic studies, but penalising some
students
 do not clearly show the bias of one's. It makes another student disobedient and disrespectful. They forget their manners and start doing mischievous to annoy teachers and parents. Teachers should make
students
 understand the things which they are failing to adopt.They should motivate
students
 and appreciate them to perform well
next
 time rather than punishing them. It not only affects them but
also
affect
Change the verb form
affects
show examples
 their mental heaths and academic studies as well. More often children avoid doing that mistake and work hard so that they can satisfy themselves with good marks and make their parents happy. not all children are the same, some children do take time to adopt new things. To some extent, I agree that
students
 who perform well should be appreciated and should give their best
next
 time and be rewarded with different trophies and scholarships. It gives them the confidence to show more and more effort and give their 100 per cent. They not only focus on academic scores but
also
 try to be good in certain activities and competitions. They should not lose hope and keep trying for the best bands. But on the same topic, I do disagree because it is very difficult for average
students
 to start competing with scholars. Schools and teachers should equally put effort
for
Change preposition
into
show examples
 average
students
 and should take extra classes so that they can understand what is being taught in class and give them personal attention as well. It gives a negative impact on
students
Change noun form
students'
student's
show examples
 minds because they feel left out and could not focus on themselves. It is not necessary that average
students
 are not good in other curriculum activities. Some of them can be good at speaking, drawing, dancing, etc.
ll
Correct your spelling
all
show examples
students
 should be treated equally
instead
 of focusing
students
Change preposition
on students
show examples
 who are hard-working. They should motivate everyone equally and help them to solve their difficulties and make them
good
Add an article
a good
show examples
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
.
Submitted by kaiflohiya12 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: