Art is essential part of all cultures throughout the world however in these days fewer and fewer people appreciate art and turn their focus on science technology and business

In recent days, the tendency of
people
to
study
art
has diminished; they are keen on
science
,
technology
, and
business
.
Instead
of
art
, focusing on those will provide them with numerous benefits in the future.
This
essay will discuss and give several possible solutions.   There are primary reasons
people
are enthusiastic about studying
technology
,
science
, and
business
.
First
of all, they assume that
art
is irrelevant in recent days. During the
technology
era, many
people
tend to concentrate on
technology
and
science
subjects
such
as coding, programming, and nuclear.
Additionally
, studying
business
is more attractive for some
people
due to the unlimited opportunity to build their own
business
. They can envision expanding their
business
to other countries through international cooperation.
For example
, nowadays a lot of
company
Fix the agreement mistake
companies
show examples
have an export  certain commodities,
such
as furniture, woof batik, etc.
Further
, they not only get profit from their
business
but
also
networking
Wrong verb form
network
show examples
.
However
,
art
is a pivotal aspect of a country, because it contains value and culture. The government should appreciate
students
who
study
art
with several actions.
Firstly
, the authority should give
students
a chance to acknowledge their skills in some event,
such
as contest graffiti, music or dance. It can build confidence for
students
to
study
art
more deeply.
Secondly
, offering
art
as a subject in school makes
students
fascinated because it can encourage self-expression, creativity, as well
as
Correct your spelling
a
show examples
sense
Add an article
a sense
the sense
show examples
of individual identity.
For instance
, pupils who
study
an
Remove the article
apply
show examples
art
like music can express their ideas through lyric music, which is more creative and exhilarating.   To sum up,
during
Change preposition
over
show examples
the years a lot of
people
are less enthusiastic to
study
art
, they tend to learn
technology
,
science
and
business
because they believe that those subjects can bring them to bright life in the future.
Submitted by IELTS_8 on

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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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