IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Art is essential part of all cultures throughout the world however in these days fewer and fewer people appreciate art and turn their focus on science technology and business

#art #part #cultures #world #people #focus #science #technology #business
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In recent days, the tendency of
people
Use synonyms
 to
study
Use synonyms
art
Use synonyms
 has diminished; they are keen on
science
Use synonyms
,
technology
Use synonyms
, and
business
Use synonyms
.
Instead
Linking Words
 of
art
Use synonyms
, focusing on those will provide them with numerous benefits in the future.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss and give several possible solutions.   There are primary reasons
people
Use synonyms
 are enthusiastic about studying
technology
Use synonyms
,
science
Use synonyms
, and
business
Use synonyms
.
First
Linking Words
 of all, they assume that
art
Use synonyms
 is irrelevant in recent days. During the
technology
Use synonyms
 era, many
people
Use synonyms
 tend to concentrate on
technology
Use synonyms
 and
science
Use synonyms
 subjects
such
Linking Words
 as coding, programming, and nuclear.
Additionally
Linking Words
, studying
business
Use synonyms
 is more attractive for some
people
Use synonyms
 due to the unlimited opportunity to build their own
business
Use synonyms
. They can envision expanding their
business
Use synonyms
 to other countries through international cooperation.
For example
Linking Words
, nowadays a lot of
company
Fix the agreement mistake
companies
show examples
 have an export  certain commodities,
such
Linking Words
 as furniture, woof batik, etc.
Further
Linking Words
, they not only get profit from their
business
Use synonyms
 but
also
Linking Words
networking
Wrong verb form
network
show examples
.
However
Linking Words
,
art
Use synonyms
 is a pivotal aspect of a country, because it contains value and culture. The government should appreciate
students
Use synonyms
 who
study
Use synonyms
art
Use synonyms
 with several actions.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the authority should give
students
Use synonyms
 a chance to acknowledge their skills in some event,
such
Linking Words
 as contest graffiti, music or dance. It can build confidence for
students
Use synonyms
 to
study
Use synonyms
art
Use synonyms
 more deeply.
Secondly
Linking Words
, offering
art
Use synonyms
 as a subject in school makes
students
Use synonyms
 fascinated because it can encourage self-expression, creativity, as well
as
Correct your spelling
a
show examples
sense
Add an article
a sense
the sense
show examples
 of individual identity.
For instance
Linking Words
, pupils who
study
Use synonyms
an
Remove the article
apply
show examples
art
Use synonyms
 like music can express their ideas through lyric music, which is more creative and exhilarating.   To sum up,
during
Change preposition
over
show examples
 the years a lot of
people
Use synonyms
 are less enthusiastic to
study
Use synonyms
art
Use synonyms
, they tend to learn
technology
Use synonyms
,
science
Use synonyms
 and
business
Use synonyms
 because they believe that those subjects can bring them to bright life in the future.
Submitted by IELTS_8 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: