IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

New technologies have changed the way children spend their free time. Do advantages of this outweigh disadvantages?

#technologies #children #time #outweigh
World
Add an article
The world
show examples
 is developing constantly, so nowadays technology
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 been improved significantly. That led to changing
children
's leisure activities. In
this
essay
Add a comma
,essay
show examples
 both drawbacks and benefits of the issue will be
Correct your spelling
discussed
disscused
Correct your spelling
discussed
.
However
,
usage
Correct article usage
the usage
show examples
 of
gadgets
 since childhood might create
irrevitable
Correct your spelling
irresistible
irritable
 negative consequences for a new generation.
First
 and foremost, technological development
resulted
Add the preposition
inresulted
fromresulted
show examples
 decrease
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the time,
children
 spend outdoors.
This days
Change the determiner
This day
These days
show examples
 it became noticeable that youngsters prefer online
Correct your spelling
entertainment
entertaiment
Correct your spelling
entertainment
 rather
then
Replace the word
than
show examples
 open-air activities. It was approved that
gadgets
 are extremely addictive, especially for younger people.
Consequently
,
sedentary
Correct article usage
a sedentary
show examples
 lifestyle may lead to obesity and
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of social skills. As well as there
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 a lot of sensitive content, that can have a
bed
Correct your spelling
bad
show examples
 impact on
children
's emotional health.
Furthermore
, it became challenging to control young people's actions online. Due to statistics,
negative
Correct article usage
the negative
show examples
 psychological impact
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
gadgets
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
children
's unstable mental health increases every year.
On the other hand
, technology
enable
Change the verb form
enables
show examples
 a lot of educational opportunities.
For instance
, with a usual
smartphone
Add a comma
,smartphone
show examples
 it is easy to find any information
by
Change preposition
with
show examples
 only one click. As well as, books are available online, so every person can download
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 and read
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 in
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 free time.
Big
Change the article
A big
The big
show examples
 number of developing and educational material is available online. With the right use of
gadgets
,
children
 can develop themselves and gain new
knowledges
Change the wording
knowledge
pieces of knowledge
bits of knowledge
show examples
. In the summary,
lifestyle
Add an article
the lifestyle
a lifestyle
show examples
 of modern
children
 is changing with new technologies. Even though
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 it has
certain
Add an article
a certain
show examples
 positive
impact
Fix the agreement mistake
impacts
show examples
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the new generation, it can create negative consequences with unsupervised overuse of
gadgets
. So,
children
 should use new technologies with caution and
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
not forget about outdoor activities and socialising with people in person.
Submitted by anya.shihytsk on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • advantages
  • disadvantages
  • new technologies
  • children
  • free time
  • access
  • educational resources
  • information
  • development
  • key skills
  • enhancing
  • creativity
  • imagination
  • opportunity
  • connect
  • convenience
  • flexibility
  • lack
  • physical activity
  • potential
  • health issues
  • impact
  • social
  • emotional development
  • exposure
  • inappropriate content
  • addiction
  • dependency
What to do next:
Look at other essays: