IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

Some people say that advertising is extremely successful at persuading us to buy things. Other people think that advertising is so common that we no longer pay attention to it. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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Many humans believe that advertising is excessively useful
at
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in
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fallowing
Correct your spelling
allowing
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 us to purchase things. But another consider advertising is so usual that we should not pay attention
about
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to
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 them. We will consider both
side
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sides
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 of the discussion in
this
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 essay, and give a concluding view. On the one hand, those who support advertising
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 useful. Many
people
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 think that advertising is a key part of modern business. Because
,
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apply
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 we can get familiar conveniently with
products
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 that we need.
For example
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,
people
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 can aim
from
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for
show examples
products
Use synonyms
 via national media.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, proponents of advertising are successful in the communities. Since
People
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 believe that companies need to tell customers about their
products
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.
For instance
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, if we want to buy a thing and not
knowing
Wrong verb form
know
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 about
product
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the product
a product
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 we cannot correctly
purchase
Correct pronoun usage
purchase it
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.
However
Linking Words
, opponents of advertising are harmful and advertiser manipulates
people
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for buying
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to buy
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products
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. So, watching
advertisement
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advertisements
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 is
waste
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a waste
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 of time and humans should not pay attention
them
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to them
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, they beguile
people
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.
In other words
Linking Words
,
advertiser
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advertisers
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 just display an image of
product
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the product
a product
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 and
not
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do not
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knowledge
Replace the word
know
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 about it
thus
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costumers
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customers
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 buy it and
then
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 they are unsatisfied
of
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with
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quality
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its quality
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.
Moreover
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, critics of
people
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 say that these causes children
easily
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to easily
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 be influenced by advertisements. In short, children like buying some
products
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 that they do not be regulated and these may be
harm
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harmful
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for
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to
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 their health.
To conclude
Linking Words
, it seems to me that, advertising should be regulated before playing. So,
government
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the government
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 have
duty
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a duty
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 against
advertisement
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advertisements
show examples
, they should only censor false information or
products
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 that are harmful.

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task achievement
Your introduction outlines the main points to be discussed but includes some awkward phrasing and grammatical issues. Consider revising sentence structures for clarity, such as "advertising is excessively useful at fallowing" to "advertising is extremely successful at persuading." Additionally, ensure you clearly outline the plan for the essay without misunderstandings.
task achievement
While your essay does discuss both perspectives and provides a conclusion, the argumentation lacks depth. Try to use more specific examples and elaborate on each point to enrich your discussion. This will make your ideas more comprehensive and convincing.
coherence cohesion
Some segment transitions are abrupt, and paragraphs could flow better. Use transition phrases more effectively to guide the reader through your essay smoothly. Phrases like "On the other hand," and "For instance," can help but should be placed more naturally within the context of each paragraph.
coherence cohesion
You need to strengthen your main points with better-supported arguments. Instead of merely stating that advertising is useful because people can familiarize themselves with products, explain how this benefits both consumers and businesses. Similarly, explain why children are particularly susceptible to advertisements and provide concrete examples to illustrate your point.
task achievement
You have a clear understanding of both sides of the argument around advertising, which forms a strong basis for balanced discussion.
coherence cohesion
The essay structure is logical, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion that address the prompt.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • persuade
  • promote
  • attract
  • influence
  • impact
  • consumerism
  • commercialism
  • market
  • product
  • brand
  • endorsement
  • manipulative
  • saturated
  • overwhelmed
  • repetitive
  • distracting
  • irrelevant
  • exaggerated
  • misleading
  • desensitized
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