IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Write about the following topic. To what extent do Some people think living in big cities is bad for people’s health. you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience

#topic #people #cities #people’s #health
Big
cities
 are the most attractive places for living because there are more facilities for
people
such
 as hospitals, educational areas, and companies.
However
, it is
controversial
Add an article
a controversial
show examples
 issue whether these places are bad for
people
's
health
 or not. While some
people
 claim that living in big
cities
 is harmful
for
Change the preposition
to
show examples
people
's
health
, others do not believe
this
 argument. In my opinion, I believe that
people
's lives are affected negatively because of
conditions
Correct article usage
the conditions
show examples
 of big
cities
.
Firstly
, big
cities
 contain many
people
 that are much more than
city's
Correct article usage
the city's
show examples
 capacity. The fact that exceeding capacity of
city
Add an article
the city
show examples
 means using
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
Correct your spelling
extremely
extreme
extremly
Correct your spelling
extreme
 amount of using motor vehicles.
This
 situation is followed by air pollution.
Therefore
,
people
 cannot breathe
clear
Correct your spelling
clean
show examples
 air and they may suffer from diseases.
Also
, the fact that beyond
capacity
Add an article
the capacity
show examples
 of
Correct article usage
the city's
show examples
city's
Change noun form
city
show examples
 causes
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
institutions cannot manage their responsibilities.
Therefore
,
people
 cannot benefit from these facilities which are many in the
city
.
In addition
 to
this
, big
cities
 have many companies or corporations. It is evident that these corporations are in conflict and competition with each other.
This
 being the case, both employers and employees face stressful processes when they are working.
Therefore
, it is considered that big
cities
 not only affect
people
's physical
health
 but
also
 lead to severe problems with
people
's psychological
health
. In conclusion,
people
 think that living in a big
city
 provides opportunities
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 them.
However
, they do not think adverse impacts of
conditions
Correct article usage
the conditions
show examples
 of big
cities
 on
health
. It is the most
significance
Replace the word
significant
show examples
 issue that
people
 should pay attention
when
Change preposition
to when
show examples
 they choose where they live is their
health
.
Submitted by merttufan197 on

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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