IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

Advertising is nowadays often targets children or products like fast food and toys. Many people believe this is bad for children and their families. Do you agree or disagree, give reasons with examples.

#targets #children #products #food #toys #people #families
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Advertising is the means by which we broadcast our product in an eye-catching way to attract buyers to get them. A recent trend has been recognised that advertising is recently targeting the age group of 4 years and above
weather
Correct your spelling
whether
show examples
in products they like e.g toys
our
Correct your spelling
or
show examples
 stuff they may be eating like junk
food
Use synonyms
. In a recent
study
Add a comma
,study
show examples
 it has been recognised problems between
children
Use synonyms
 and parents have increased as
children
Use synonyms
's interests have
been deviated
Change to the active voice
deviated
show examples
 nowadays to the trending stuff that
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 being advertised
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
and the child may want the same sort of toy he has but just because it has a different and fascinating packaging.
This
Linking Words
 is causing over demand from
youngesters
Correct your spelling
youngsters
 to adults as well as it may
also
Linking Words
 be growing a sense of
selfish
Replace the word
selfishness
show examples
 in the child. Fast
food
Use synonyms
 has
also
Linking Words
 been of interest to most
children
Use synonyms
 recently as so much income has been put
on
Change preposition
into
show examples
 how to make the advertisement attractive to
children
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 is
also
Linking Words
 creating a sense of debate between them and their guardians as it isn't healthy to be on fast
food
Use synonyms
 and the young ones do like to stick to a certain sort of meal when they love it. It might as well be increasing the level of obesity among the
Correct your spelling
youngsters
youngesters
Correct your spelling
youngsters
 as junk
food
Use synonyms
 doesn't have equal percentages of calories. I strongly agree that advertisements are causing an indirect sense of influence on
children
Use synonyms
's likes which
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 opposite to
parents
Change noun form
parents'
parent's
show examples
 will.
Submitted by maria_makarious on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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