IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3

some people think that it is wrong to keep pets at home. do you agree or disagree

#people #pets #home
Some individuals believe that criminal
description
Fix the agreement mistake
descriptions
show examples
 should not be shown
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
newspaper
Fix the agreement mistake
newspapers
show examples
 and television deeply because
this
 sort of
information
 has
negative
Add an article
a negative
show examples
 impact.
This
 essay agrees with
this
 statement, as
children
 have access to the
internet
 nowadays and it can lead to some psychological problems. There is
internet
Add an article
an internet
show examples
 connection or
TV
 almost
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
every home and everyone uses it properly in their lives. Even, sometimes parents give phones to their babies for playing games.
In addition
, kids
watching
Wrong verb form
watch
show examples
 some
TV
 shows or news with their parents at night.
Although
 parents talk to their
children
 about using
internet
Add an article
the internet
show examples
 in a good way, youth could see some criminal incidents on these platforms. And it would be harmful
for
Change the preposition
to
show examples
children
 to see
this kind
Fix the agreement mistake
these kinds
show examples
 of
scenes
Fix the agreement mistake
scene
show examples
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their future life.
Other
Change the wording
Another
show examples
 reason is that
to watch
Change the verb form
watching
show examples
 or reading
this
 type of
information
 on
internet
Add an article
the internet
show examples
 could cause psychological issues.
First
 of all, people who have medical problems could be affected
from
Change preposition
by
show examples
 these views.
Furthermore
, looking at or reading so much
information
 about
murdering
Wrong verb form
murder
show examples
 impact people’s daily life negatively.
The
Correct article usage
A
show examples
 recent study found that there is
growth
Replace the word
growing
show examples
 number of patients who apply
doctors
Change preposition
to doctors
show examples
. Most of them are afraid of
some
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
murdering videos or
horrible
Replace the word
horror
show examples
 movies on
TV
. In my opinion, people should not be allowed to watch these movies. In conclusion, as
children
 use
internet
Add an article
the internet
show examples
 widely in today’s world and criminal scenes affect people’s health in a bad way, I agree that
this
 kind of
information
 should
restricted
Change the verb form
be restricted
show examples
 on
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
 and
TV
.
Submitted by manqanat1 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: