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Band 3.5

Some people think that the teenagers should concentrate on all subjects at school. Others believe that teenagers should focus on the subject they are best at or they are most interested in.To what extend do you agree?

#people #teenagers #subjects #school #focus
It is thought that adolescents ought to focus on a number of curriculums at school. Whereas,
other
Correct pronoun usage
others
show examples
 think that
concentration
Replace the word
concentrating
show examples
 on an interesting
subject
 would be better for them. In my opinion, I believe that teens must focus on all
subjects
 rather than the ones
Change preposition
in which
show examples
which
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 are interested
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
.
Firstly
, one of
significant
Add an article
the significant
show examples
 reasons for studying all
subject
Fix the agreement mistake
subjects
show examples
 is that teenagers are not
sufficient
Change the adjective
sufficiently
show examples
 mature to make serious decisions for their future.in
other word
Change the wording
another word
other words
show examples
, their mental and physical development has
been
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
not fully flourished
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the same as adults.
Therefore
, they are not able to accept the consequence of their choice.
Secondly
, learning a broad range of
subjects
 is necessary for teens.
Due to gaining
Change preposition
Gaining
show examples
 a great deal of knowledge regarding mathematics, foreign languages, biology and etc. can help them to perform their daily routine.to illustrate, simple math calculations are required when purchasing a pen or notebook in
stationery
Correct article usage
a stationery
show examples
 store to check the amount of money
should
Correct pronoun usage
that should
show examples
 be spent.
However
, some people believe that teens should draw their attention
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 a specific
subject
, which
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 eager to learn. Owing to studying an interesting
subject
 can increase their motivation to acquire more information about it.
in contrast
, many interests will be changed or lost after a while.
consequently
, it can discourage younger age from following studios. In conclusion, I think that youths should pay more attention
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 all
subjects
 because they are not ready to identify correction resolution .
in addition
, various
subjects
 are essential in their everyday activities.
Submitted by khndni on

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    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
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    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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