Some people blame the government for the increase in childhood obesity while others think it is the parents’ fault.Discuss both views and give your opinion

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Obesity
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

is a remarkable problem that should concern in
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

period of time. Presently, has a lot of arguing about the government or parents of children that increase the children’s overweight situation. In my own view, I take the view that
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

issue can be solved by
there
Correct your spelling
their

The word there doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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own family. On the one hand, For the side
of
Change preposition
apply

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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criticize
Replace the word
criticism

The word criticize doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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that the government has been increasing
the
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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obesity
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

for
Change preposition
among

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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kids. Because it has no law or
the
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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clearly
Change the adverb
clear

It appears that the adverb clearly is attempting to modify the noun support. Consider replacing the adverb with an adjective.

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support for
population
Add an article
the population

The noun phrase population seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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. Including
to
Change preposition
apply

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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reaction
Fix the agreement mistake
reactions

It seems that reaction may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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for controlling and intent to
supporting
Wrong verb form
support

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb supporting. Consider changing it.

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facilities that will develop and obviously educate in
effect
Add an article
the effect

The noun phrase effect seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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of
obesity
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

, by did not show responsibility for
own
Correct pronoun usage
their own

It seems that there is a pronoun problem here.

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dominance, which mean indirect support.
On the other hand
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, with
team
Add an article
the team

The noun phrase team seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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has been deciding with
father
Correct article usage
the father

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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or mother of
children
Correct article usage
the children

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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build a massive risk of
overweight
Add a missing verb
being overweight

It seems that you are missing a verb. Consider adding it.

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. People might think that came from
own
Correct pronoun usage
their own

It seems that there is a pronoun problem here.

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parenting and
reinforce
Wrong verb form
reinforced

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb reinforce. Consider changing it.

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with
Change preposition
by

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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selecting food.
Additionally
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, They did not teach about self-discipline and exercises, that show the children activities.
Including to the
Change preposition
The

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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parents did not concern with the risk of
obesity
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

. From the essay, according to my own opinion that the responsibility
with
Change preposition
in

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

show examples
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

circumstance should be both
of
Change preposition
apply

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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reacting government and parenting. These concerning
situation
Fix the agreement mistake
situations

It seems that situation may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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should show
a
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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collaboration from both
side
Change to a plural noun
sides

The singular countable noun side follows the quantifier both, which requires a plural noun. Consider using a plural noun or a different quantifier.

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to solve
a
Correct article usage
the

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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disease of kids, and they should take noticeable management.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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