IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

Some people blame the government for the increase in childhood obesity while others think it is the parents’ fault.Discuss both views and give your opinion

#people #government #childhood #obesity #parents’ #fault
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Obesity
Use synonyms
 is a remarkable problem that should concern in
this
Linking Words
 period of time. Presently, has a lot of arguing about the government or parents of children that increase the children’s overweight situation. In my own view, I take the view that
this
Linking Words
 issue can be solved by
there
Correct your spelling
their
show examples
 own family. On the one hand, For the side
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
criticize
Replace the word
criticism
show examples
 that the government has been increasing
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
obesity
Use synonyms
for
Change preposition
among
show examples
 kids. Because it has no law or
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
clearly
Change the adverb
clear
show examples
 support for
population
Add an article
the population
show examples
. Including
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
reaction
Fix the agreement mistake
reactions
show examples
 for controlling and intent to
supporting
Wrong verb form
support
show examples
 facilities that will develop and obviously educate in
effect
Add an article
the effect
show examples
 of
obesity
Use synonyms
, by did not show responsibility for
own
Correct pronoun usage
their own
show examples
 dominance, which mean indirect support.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, with
team
Add an article
the team
show examples
 has been deciding with
father
Correct article usage
the father
show examples
 or mother of
children
Correct article usage
the children
show examples
 build a massive risk of
overweight
Add a missing verb
being overweight
show examples
. People might think that came from
own
Correct pronoun usage
their own
show examples
 parenting and
reinforce
Wrong verb form
reinforced
show examples
with
Change preposition
by
show examples
 selecting food.
Additionally
Linking Words
, They did not teach about self-discipline and exercises, that show the children activities.
Including to the
Change preposition
The
show examples
 parents did not concern with the risk of
obesity
Use synonyms
. From the essay, according to my own opinion that the responsibility
with
Change preposition
in
show examples
this
Linking Words
 circumstance should be both
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
reacting government and parenting. These concerning
situation
Fix the agreement mistake
situations
show examples
 should show
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
collaboration from both
side
Change to a plural noun
sides
show examples
 to solve
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 disease of kids, and they should take noticeable management.
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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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