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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that the best way to succeed in life is to get a university education, while others disagree and say that it is no longer true nowadays. Discuss both views and give your own opinions.

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Some citizens feel that it is not necessary to enter college,
while
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 others argue that earning a bachelor's degree is the major approach to having a successful life. In my opinion, I believe that going to a university is beneficial to future development.
This
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 essay will explain the two points of view in the ensuing paragraphs. There are a few reasons to support those people who are against applying to university. The front and centre cause is that a certain portion of the population is not academic.
For example
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, several teenagers usually do not finish an undergraduate program and waste almost four years
as a result
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 of feeling bored.
Moreover
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, some of them aim to have a stable salary after coming of age, so they tend to learn a trade profession in high schools,
such
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 as machinists, electricians or plumbers, in order to earn money earlier than
other
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their
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 peers. I believe,
however
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, that the longer people spend studying, the more they learn. The greatest advantage of completing a university program is that those graduates have higher employment rates, attractive salaries, and more work benefits than high school graduates. considering recent job requirements,
for instance
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, more and more employers prefer to hire new staff with an undergraduate degree at least.
Furthermore
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, universities allow students to explore career options, which
make
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gives
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 them sufficient time to think about what careers they are interested in.
In addition
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, these young adults will be taught interpersonal skills at a college which exposes them to diverse people and ideas. In conclusion, despite the fact that going to work or developing other professions earlier after high school has some merits which are worth considering, there are more benefits to selecting a college for the folks, including better jobs, bigger salaries, learning skills and having time to think about future.

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task response
Your introduction doesn't clearly address both points of view. Make sure your introduction clearly outlines the two opposing viewpoints. Provide a clear opinion in the introduction.
coherence cohesion
Your essay lacks strong logical structure. Make sure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence, supporting details, and a concluding sentence. Work on the organization and flow of your ideas to improve coherence and cohesion.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • university degree
  • specialized knowledge
  • critical thinking skills
  • networking opportunities
  • vocational training
  • self-made entrepreneurs
  • gig economy
  • online courses
  • certifications
  • formal education
  • practical experience
  • lifelong learning
  • career goals
  • individual circumstances
  • academic qualifications
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