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Band 3.5

Government needs to spend money to encourage the development of sport and art for school students, rather than to support professional sports and art evrnts. Do you agree or disagree ?

#government #money #development #sport #art #school #students #support #sports #evrnts
Nowadays, campaigns related to
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
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 and creative activities
are became
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become
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 significantly important to every
national
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nation
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. While partial people
argues
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argue
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 that the country should just focus on the educational community. Personally, I disagreed
with
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to
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 a large extent and I will explain my thoughts in the paragraphs below. Understandably, there is an ascending trend of developing versatile pupils during their educational stage. To illustrate, nurturing new talents
are
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is
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 always a fundamental step towards specialists since it might
helps
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help
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 to build up
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
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strong basic skills and
the
Correct article usage
an
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 understanding of their future.
Another reasons
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Another reason
Other reasons
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 for that could be help to maximise adolescents in multiple skills before they
entry
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enter
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 the specific course in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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tertiary-level education. Undoubtedly, artists and
sportsman
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sportsmen
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 are significantly emphasised in current society.
However
, if the government only pay
all the
Correct determiner usage
apply
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attention
on
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to
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 the people in educational institutions in order to receive
short term
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short-term
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 benefits
of
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from
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 the national games
then
 it might weaken the experienced level of applicants and discontinue their confidence
of
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in
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 performances.
Additionally
, it could possibly influence the motivation of learning for
Add an article
the generalist
a generalist
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generalist
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generalists
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,
thus
 it would reduce the sense of fulfilment for
the games player and designers
Change to a genitive case
the player and designers of the game
the game's player and designers
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, as well as lower the performance of international competitions and programs. In conclusion, schooling is taken a large pile of
proportion
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the proportion
a proportion
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 of every professional
sectors
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sector
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initially
,
therefore
expertises
Correct your spelling
expertise
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 in physical activities and aesthetic objects are the main
door
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doors
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of
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to
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 cross-cultural communication. In my opinion, the government should seek
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 balance between the two communities for a brighter future.
Submitted by miumiu3.4 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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