IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

In a number of countries, some people think it is necessary to spend large sums of money on constructing new railway lines for very fast trains between cities. Others believe the money should be spent on improving existing public transport.

#countries #people #sums #money #railway #lines #trains #cities #transport
Nowadays, transportation is considered crucial for everyone.
People
 have different views about whether the major spending on
transport
 should be on novel railways or updating the current system. In my opinion, expenditure is necessary on both equally to achieve short- and long-term goals.
This
 essay will discuss both views. On the one hand, providing large amounts of money
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
 building new train systems is vital for various causes. Trains
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 the privilege of reaching distant areas comfortably and conveniently.
Therefore
, new places can be inhabited and solve the problem of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
overcrowded cities.
Moreover
, railway line enables many
people
 to travel together and reduce the usage of private
transport
.
Accordingly
, that will reduce gas emissions and act as a solution for global warming.
Hence
, railways are significant in transporting
people
.
On the other hand
, renovation of the existing public transportation systems has its own advantages.
Firstly
,
money
Add an article
the money
show examples
 required for modernization
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 far less than
developing
Change preposition
for developing
show examples
 new systems.
Consequently
,
this
 will not significantly affect the general spending programs of the government.
Secondly
, improving the old
transport
 will be rapid as the infrastructure is already available.
Finally
,
people
 are already used to certain routes to reach their destinations, so when the previous
transport
 methods are improved, they will witness and be satisfied
of
Change the preposition
with
show examples
 the changes instantly.
Thus
,
benefits
Correct article usage
the benefits
show examples
 of modernizing the current ways are more important. In conclusion, the debate about the percentage of spending on each category of
transport
 will continue, but
comfort
Add an article
the comfort
show examples
 of commuters should be considered the priority of the government.
Submitted by drahmedibrahim91 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • infrastructure
  • efficient
  • congestion
  • sustainable
  • environmentally friendly
  • connectivity
  • economic growth
  • public transportation
What to do next:
Look at other essays: