IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Many doctors recommend that older people exercise regularly ,but most patients do not follow an exercise routine. Why do you think this happen ? How people be encouraged to exercise regularly?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
There is no doubt that through
exercise
Use synonyms
, one can stay fit and fiddle. Senior citizens are advised by healthcare professionals
such
Linking Words
 as physicians to stay active, yet most of them tend to ignore and do not follow an
exercise
Use synonyms
 routine.
This
Linking Words
 essay will highlight the principal causes of
this
Linking Words
 issue and the possible solutions to resolve them. In my opinion, one of the main factors that prevent the elderly population from reaping the benefits of
exercise
Use synonyms
 is the lack of money to buy sports equipment or
joining
Wrong verb form
join
show examples
 a gym.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, older people tend to have health problems
such
Linking Words
 as cardiovascular issues, arthritis, and dementia, which make
exercise
Use synonyms
 a difficult task for them.
Moreover
Linking Words
, environmental problems
such
Linking Words
 as air pollution in big cities hinder the elderly to participate in outdoor physical activities.
However
Linking Words
,
while
Linking Words
 there is little that can be done to deter the natural ageing process, the financial impediment can be easily tackled with the introduction of public parks and sports facilities.
Government
Correct article usage
The government
show examples
 can allocate funds to build more recreational parks in residential areas. If there were parks within
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
walking distance, senior citizens would be encouraged to
exercise
Use synonyms
 habitually.
In addition
Linking Words
, the authority can impose stricter laws
such
Linking Words
 as monetary penalties to factories releasing toxic fumes in order to curb air pollution, which will result in a cleaner and better environment for older generations to
exercise
Use synonyms
. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 older people tend to ignore the advice on
exercise
Use synonyms
due to
Linking Words
 several causes,
such
Linking Words
 challenges can be resolved with careful planning.
Government
Correct article usage
The government
show examples
 should pay attention to
this
Linking Words
 matter and find ways to help the older population
in leading
Wrong verb form
lead
show examples
 a healthier life.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Expand on the specific examples of how financial barriers affect older adults and add a more concrete suggestion for promoting exercise among them.
coherence and cohesion
To enhance coherence, consider using more linking words between paragraphs to ensure a smooth flow of ideas.
task achievement
Provide more details or examples in the body paragraphs to support your arguments effectively.
coherence and cohesion
Well-structured introduction and conclusion that clearly outline the main points of the essay.
task achievement
Good understanding of the topic with relevant reasons and solutions presented.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: