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Band 6.5

Some people think it is better for children to grow up in the city, while others think that life in the countryside is more suitable. What are the advantages and disadvantages of both places?

#people #children #city #life #countryside #places
To start with, there are two main opinions where it us better for kids to grow up: city and countryside. Both of the
places
 have benefits and drawbacks. Cities give an opportunity for children to develop their skills highly, but there are health and time management problems. Big living areas are usually completed with
people
, so it is easier to open
places
 for human needs. It
also
 includes big variety of clubs and study centers, so young
people
 can choose
places
 to visit by their interests and get an improvement.
Otherwise
, living in crowded place has affects on
people
's health. It is well-known that in big cities a lot of transports and factories that pollute air.
Also
, because of those transports, there are often traffic jams that affects
people
 by taking a lot if time to get to the location. Countrysides,
also
, got two sides of influence: giving more freedom and fresh air to kids, but having problems with options of hobbies. By living in the village, children will have a great childhood in environment of well-known
people
. Kids living in
such
places
, always play with others unlill night, because in a small place parents trust for their safety.
Moreover
, there are much less cars and more plants, so it brings good health condition. Despite these things, in countryside less access to internet. It doesn't mean they don't have it, but it can lag often because of distance from the source. It will have drawback to develop child's outlook. In conclusion, there are advantages and disadvantages in both arguing sides, so it will depend on person what to choose as the best place to grow a child.
Submitted by bekeyeva_a on

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Task Response
Task response: The essay partially addresses the prompt and presents arguments for both city and countryside. However, it lacks depth and clarity in discussing the advantages and disadvantages of each. Make sure to fully address the task prompt by providing a more balanced and detailed analysis of both sides.
Coherence and Cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: The essay has a generally clear organizational structure with an introduction, body, and conclusion. However, there are some instances of unclear connections between ideas, and the use of transitions could be improved to enhance the flow of the essay. Work on using cohesive devices to create stronger links between sentences and paragraphs.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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