IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

many manufactured food and drink product contain high level of sugar, which causes many health problem. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. do you agree or disagree ?

#food #drink #product #level #sugar #health #products #people
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Today, many health issues have been caused due to the
consumption
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 of high
level
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
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 of manufactured food and drink
products
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 so to overcome
this
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 problem, making the
prices
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 high would make
the
Correct article usage
apply
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people
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to
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apply
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consume less. I would certainly disagree with the statement. Making the
prices
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 high is really a good idea but there
are
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is
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 some set of
people
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 who are below the poverty line and that kind of
people
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 cannot afford
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this foods
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this food
these foods
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.
Moreover
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, sugary
products
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 are the major reason but it is not the only reason, because today more
people
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 do not have time to do physical workouts.
For instance
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,
people
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 who work in
IT
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the IT
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sectors
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sector
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, have to spend
their
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a
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 vast sum of time
by
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apply
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sitting in front of
the
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apply
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computers.
However
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, if we make the
prices
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 for sugary
products
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 high,
people
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 will move to
the
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apply
show examples
fast foods and
it
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 is more harmful
for
Change the preposition
to
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 health. To overcome
this
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 issue,
government
Add an article
the government
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 should make
the
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apply
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people
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 more aware
about
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of
show examples
 the
Correct your spelling
overconsumption
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over
Correct your spelling
overconsumption
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consumption
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 of sugary
products
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.
On the other hand
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, building more gyms and making
it
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them
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 free of cost would encourage
the
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apply
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people
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 to do physical exercise and keep their body fit.
Additionally
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, making
the
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apply
show examples
people
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 aware
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 balanced diet and how to follow them would help them to keep themselves away from
Correct your spelling
overconsumption
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over
Correct your spelling
overconsumption
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consumption
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 of
high fat
Add a hyphen
high-fat
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products
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. In conclusion, making the
prices
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 high for sugary
products
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 is not a good idea and will not work as expected. Even though the
prices
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 are high, still tempt
the
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apply
show examples
people
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 to buy so making
the
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apply
show examples
people
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 aware
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
disadvantages
Correct article usage
the disadvantages
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 of
Correct your spelling
overconsumption
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over
Correct your spelling
overconsumption
show examples
consumption
Use synonyms
 would be highly helpful.
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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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