IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some say the purpose of education is to prepare individuals to be useful to society. Others say the purpose of education is to help people achieve personal ambitions. Discuss both views and give your opinions.

#say #purpose #education #individuals #society #people #ambitions
Some
people
 think that
main
Correct article usage
the main
show examples
 aim of education is
prepare
Change the verb form
to prepare
preparing
show examples
 youth to be useful to
society
, while others say it is just for achieving personal
ambitions
.
Although
educational
Replace the word
education
show examples
people
 can be beneficial for
society
, in my opinion, individuals should
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
study for their own
ambitions
. On the one hand, it is believed that
purpose
Correct article usage
the purpose
show examples
 of education is helping
society
 for creating
strong
Add an article
a strong
show examples
 community. It can be related to patriotism
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because governments and some
part
Fix the agreement mistake
parts
show examples
 of
society
 believe that individuals should
be work
Change the verb form
be working
show examples
 and
trying
Wrong verb form
try
show examples
 to help their own
countries
 after graduation.
People
 who have strong educational
background
Fix the agreement mistake
backgrounds
show examples
 can help their
countries
. In many
countries
Add a comma
,countries
show examples
 there are some
people
 that prepared for
this
 purpose. They take children
Change preposition
at in
show examples
in
Correct your spelling
an
show examples
 early age
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and raise them.
For example
, there are a lot of military schools in powerful
countries
.
Aim
Correct article usage
The aim
show examples
 of these schools is to create powerful soldiers for
army
Add an article
the army
show examples
.
On the other hand
, each person can be personal
ambitions
. While some
people
 study hard for
countries
, others may be having different life plans. They can be dreams for moving
Change preposition
to other
show examples
other country
Change the wording
another country
other countries
show examples
, and
work
Wrong verb form
working
show examples
 and
live
Wrong verb form
living
show examples
 there.
For instance
, there
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of college students who want
study
Fix the infinitive
to study
show examples
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 European
countries
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
after graduating
their
Change preposition
from their
show examples
 schools. I agree with
this
 opinion, because
people
 could be
ambitions
Replace the word
ambitious
show examples
 in life, and they should be free for trying to achieve these goals in today’s world. To sum up,
although
 some
group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
show examples
 of
people
 believe that education is for preparing
people
 to serve their
countries
, I think that its purpose should be helping
people
 to achieve their own goals in life.
Submitted by manqanat1 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • contribute to society
  • workforce
  • empower
  • fulfill potential
  • social responsibility
  • individual growth
  • well-rounded approach
  • societal impact
  • personal development
  • career prospects
What to do next:
Look at other essays: