Some people believe that violence on television and in computer games has a damaging effect on society. Others deny that these factors have any significant influence on people's behaviour. What is your opinion?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
People
Use synonyms
have different
view
Fix the agreement mistake
views
show examples
about the effect of
violence
Use synonyms
. while a school of thought hold that
violence
Use synonyms
on televisions or in computer games has no impact on
On
Add the comma(s)
,On
show examples
the one hand, I would cast no doubt
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
that
violence
Use synonyms
sways seriously on individuals for a combination of reasons.
First
Linking Words
and foremost,
violence
Use synonyms
affects teenagers' cognitive development, which plays a crucial role in their spiritual life. Under
Correct your spelling
certain
cerntain
Correct your spelling
certain
assumptions,
this
Linking Words
can be construed as the fact that a handful of children do not have the ability to distinguish
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
reality and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fiction, so they have
tendency
Add an article
a tendency
the tendency
show examples
to imitate terrible
Correct your spelling
behaviour
behaviours
behavious
Correct your spelling
behaviour
.
Accordingly
Linking Words
, it easily leads to the exacerbation of morale and the
unprecendated
Correct your spelling
unprecedented
percentage of criminals and victims. One example
people
Use synonyms
often reference is that according to
Add an article
a survey
the survey
show examples
survey
Fix the agreement mistake
surveys
show examples
about medical documents, there is an increasing number of victims relating to domestic
violence
Use synonyms
, which
is need
Change the verb form
needs
show examples
controlling.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
believe that when having prolonged exposure to
violence
Use synonyms
,
people
Use synonyms
are likely to be vulnerable to unstable psychology.
People
Use synonyms
speculate
this
Linking Words
might be due to the fact that violent activities seem to appear frequently
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
viewers'
mind
Fix the agreement mistake
minds
show examples
, and they are afraid of being attacked by other
people
Use synonyms
surrounding them. It is clear to some extent
this
Linking Words
might
be result
Change the verb form
result
show examples
in the alienation from their circle of acquaintances with a view to preventing themselves from being
Correct your spelling
hurt
hunted
hurted
Correct your spelling
hurt
show examples
. In conclusion, I am of the opinion that violent activities will have a serious effect on
Use synonyms
Change noun form
people's
show examples
people'
Correct your spelling
people's
show examples
behaviour
Submitted by thaiannt on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • pivotal
  • desensitize
  • catalyst
  • predisposed
  • harmless outlet
  • distinguish
  • controlled environments
  • empirical research
  • minimal or no direct correlation
  • socio-economic status
  • predisposition
What to do next:
Look at other essays: