Some people believe that violence on television and in computer games has a damaging effect on society. Others deny that these factors have any significant influence on people's behaviour. What is your opinion?

#people #violence #television #computer #games #effect #society #factors #influence #behaviour

People

have different

view

Fix the agreement mistake

views

show examples

about the effect of

violence

. while a school of thought hold that

violence

on televisions or in computer games has no impact on

Add the comma(s)

,On

show examples

the one hand, I would cast no doubt

Change preposition

apply

show examples

that

violence

sways seriously on individuals for a combination of reasons.

First

and foremost,

violence

affects teenagers' cognitive development, which plays a crucial role in their spiritual life. Under

Correct your spelling

certain

cerntain

Correct your spelling

certain

assumptions,

this

can be construed as the fact that a handful of children do not have the ability to distinguish

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

reality and

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

fiction, so they have

tendency

Add an article

a tendency

the tendency

show examples

to imitate terrible

Correct your spelling

behaviour

behaviours

behavious

Correct your spelling

behaviour

Accordingly

, it easily leads to the exacerbation of morale and the

unprecendated

Correct your spelling

unprecedented

percentage of criminals and victims. One example

people

often reference is that according to

Add an article

a survey

the survey

show examples

survey

Fix the agreement mistake

surveys

show examples

about medical documents, there is an increasing number of victims relating to domestic

violence

, which

is need

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needs

show examples

controlling.

On the other hand

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show examples

believe that when having prolonged exposure to

violence

people

are likely to be vulnerable to unstable psychology.

People

speculate

this

might be due to the fact that violent activities seem to appear frequently

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show examples

viewers'

mind

Fix the agreement mistake

minds

show examples

, and they are afraid of being attacked by other

people

surrounding them. It is clear to some extent

this

might

be result

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result

show examples

in the alienation from their circle of acquaintances with a view to preventing themselves from being

Correct your spelling

hurt

hunted

hurted

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hurt

show examples

. In conclusion, I am of the opinion that violent activities will have a serious effect on

Change noun form

people's

show examples

people'

Correct your spelling

people's

show examples

behaviour

Submitted by thaiannt on Mon Nov 28 2022

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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

firstly
secondly
thirdly
in additional
moreover
also
for example
for instance
therefore
however
although
even though
despite

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4Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
22Grammar mistakes
 

1 paragraphs

244 words

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

pivotal
desensitize
catalyst
predisposed
harmless outlet
distinguish
controlled environments
empirical research
minimal or no direct correlation
socio-economic status
predisposition

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Some people believe that violence on television and in computer games has a damaging effect on society. Others deny that these factors have any significant influence on people's behaviour. What is your opinion?

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

1.It has been suggested that cars and public transport should be banned from city centres and only bicycles be allowed instead. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Young people who commit serious crimes, such as a robbery or a violent attack should be punished in the same way as adults. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people say that TV advertisements are helpful for viewers, while others disagree. What is your opinion?

Some people believe that professionals, such as doctors and engineers, should be required to work in the country where they did their training. Others believe they should be free to work in another country if they wish. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.