Some people believe that violence on television and in computer games has a damaging effect on society. Others deny that these factors have any significant influence on people's behaviour. What is your opinion?

#people #violence #television #computer #games #effect #society #factors #influence #behaviour

People

have different

view

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views

show examples

about the effect of

violence

. while a school of thought hold that

violence

on televisions or in computer games has no impact on

Add the comma(s)

,On

show examples

the one hand, I would cast no doubt

Change preposition

apply

show examples

that

violence

sways seriously on individuals for a combination of reasons.

First

and foremost,

violence

affects teenagers' cognitive development, which plays a crucial role in their spiritual life. Under

Correct your spelling

certain

cerntain

Correct your spelling

certain

assumptions,

this

can be construed as the fact that a handful of children do not have the ability to distinguish

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

reality and

the

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apply

show examples

fiction, so they have

tendency

Add an article

a tendency

the tendency

show examples

to imitate terrible

Correct your spelling

behaviour

behaviours

behavious

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behaviour

Accordingly

, it easily leads to the exacerbation of morale and the

unprecendated

Correct your spelling

unprecedented

percentage of criminals and victims. One example

people

often reference is that according to

Add an article

a survey

the survey

show examples

survey

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surveys

show examples

about medical documents, there is an increasing number of victims relating to domestic

violence

, which

is need

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needs

show examples

controlling.

On the other hand

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believe that when having prolonged exposure to

violence

people

are likely to be vulnerable to unstable psychology.

People

speculate

this

might be due to the fact that violent activities seem to appear frequently

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show examples

viewers'

mind

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minds

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, and they are afraid of being attacked by other

people

surrounding them. It is clear to some extent

this

might

be result

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result

show examples

in the alienation from their circle of acquaintances with a view to preventing themselves from being

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hurt

hunted

hurted

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hurt

show examples

. In conclusion, I am of the opinion that violent activities will have a serious effect on

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people's

show examples

people'

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people's

show examples

behaviour

Submitted by thaiannt on Mon Nov 28 2022

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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

firstly
secondly
thirdly
in additional
moreover
also
for example
for instance
therefore
however
although
even though
despite

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4Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
22Grammar mistakes
 

1 paragraphs

244 words

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

pivotal
desensitize
catalyst
predisposed
harmless outlet
distinguish
controlled environments
empirical research
minimal or no direct correlation
socio-economic status
predisposition

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Some people believe that violence on television and in computer games has a damaging effect on society. Others deny that these factors have any significant influence on people's behaviour. What is your opinion?

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

The best way to solve the word’s environmental problems is to increase the cost of fuel. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

In some time countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this.

Since it is so easy to reach a large audience on the internet, people have to be exceptionally talented to become famous these days. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programmes ( for example working for a charity, improving the neighbourhood or teaching sports to younger children). ?to what extent do you agree or disagree?