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Band 4.5

For many young people today, shopping is their favourite free time activity. Why do you think this has happened? Should young people be encouraged to do different activities in their free time? Give reason for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own experience or knowledge.

#people #favourite #time #activity #activities #reason
In recent times, a lot of young
people
 are keen on shopping rather than other
activities
 in their leisure
time
. There are two main reasons why they follow
this
 trend
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
shopping creates satisfaction and is
also
 a way to kill
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
time
.
However
, it can offer many
Correct your spelling
disadvantages
diasadvantages
Correct your spelling
disadvantages
. So they had better be involved with other
Correct your spelling
activities
activies
Correct your spelling
activities
such
 as doing sports or social
activities
.
First
 of all, young
people
 feel more satisfied when they go shopping.
In other words
, they may feel
more
Change the word
apply
show examples
happier
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
which
Correct word choice
when
show examples
 they are in stores,
look
Wrong verb form
looking
show examples
 and
try
Wrong verb form
trying
show examples
 on items
of
Change preposition
from
show examples
 the new collection.
For instance
, teenagers undergo a feeling of terrific when they have received a new pair of sneakers that they ordered on Amazon- an online purchase platform.
Secondly
, young
people
 have more free
time
 to spare so they go shopping to kill
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
time
. It means
besides
 going to school on weekdays, they have nothing to do at the weekend.
Therefore
 they go to supermarkets or malls to fill their empty
time
.
For example
, their parents are absolutely busy with their business and they just give their children money without
spend
Replace the word
spending
show examples
time
 with them.
This
 causes young
people
feel
Fix the infinitive
to feel
show examples
 alone and shopping is effective for them to feel less empty.
Finally
, young
people
 should be stimulated to take part in other social
activities
 because
this
 makes them more active and energetic.
Consequently
, it is really good for their mental and physical health. To conclude, many young
people
 usually spend their
time
 going shopping but their parents should advise them to take part in other
activities
.
Submitted by duchuysgu92 on

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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
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