The youth in many countries are unemployed and unskilled. While at the same time, the military services are in need of people. Compulsory military service is beneficial and necessary. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#youth #countries #time #services #people #service

Most of the young population is uneducated and unemployed all around the world.

However

, the countries of those young suffer from narrow numbers of

soldiers

. Even though many people think that mandatory military service is necessary and advantageous in these circumstances, I completely disagree with

this

statement.

Since being

Correct word choice

Being

show examples

a soldier requires patriotism and powerful armies are generated by

soldiers

who are willing to fight and die.

Firstly

, there is no doubt that many countries have enormous young populations consisting of unemployed and unskilled ones.

Moreover

, those young people waste their time and energy by doing nothing for society and for themselves.

However

, the fact that they are not working or studying, gives any right to the authorities to oblige them in order to join military forces. Because

soldiers

have to want by themselves in order to find the necessary strength and courage in their hearts during a war.

Therefore

, they should join the military willingly

and

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

Change preposition

apply

show examples

knowing that they might be injured or die.

Secondly

, during battles, many

soldiers

have to deal with complicated emotions and problems.

Thus

, they should only focus on battle and their fellow

soldiers

. Losing a brother-in-arm by your side is like losing someone from your own flesh and blood in those circumstances. To pass through

such

misery and loss, they must hold on to their patriotism. They must find strength in their hearts to continue fighting for their country. If those

soldiers

did not want to join battles to protect their nation and country, they

will

Wrong verb form

would

show examples

not constitute a powerful army. To put it simply, even if there are many young people who waste their time without working or studying, that doesn't mean that governments compel them to become

soldiers

Otherwise

, those armies which consisted of compelled

soldiers

would only experience losing.

Submitted by ecemanginn on Mon Nov 28 2022

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for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

299 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

Compulsory
Military service
Unemployed
Unskilled
Discipline
National pride
Civic duty
Enlistment
Conscription
Cohesive society
Civilian life
Government resources
Ethical concerns
Forced enlistment
Individual freedoms
Psychological effects
Personal beliefs
Societal tensions
Career disruption
National security

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The youth in many countries are unemployed and unskilled. While at the same time, the military services are in need of people. Compulsory military service is beneficial and necessary. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

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