The youth in many countries are unemployed and unskilled. While at the same time, the military services are in need of people. Compulsory military service is beneficial and necessary. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Most of the young population is uneducated and unemployed all around the world.
However
, the countries of those young suffer from narrow numbers of
soldiers
. Even though many people think that mandatory military service is necessary and advantageous in these circumstances, I completely disagree with
this
statement.
Since being
Correct word choice
Being
show examples
a soldier requires patriotism and powerful armies are generated by
soldiers
who are willing to fight and die.
Firstly
, there is no doubt that many countries have enormous young populations consisting of unemployed and unskilled ones.
Moreover
, those young people waste their time and energy by doing nothing for society and for themselves.
However
, the fact that they are not working or studying, gives any right to the authorities to oblige them in order to join military forces. Because
soldiers
have to want by themselves in order to find the necessary strength and courage in their hearts during a war.
Therefore
, they should join the military willingly
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
knowing that they might be injured or die.
Secondly
, during battles, many
soldiers
have to deal with complicated emotions and problems.
Thus
, they should only focus on battle and their fellow
soldiers
. Losing a brother-in-arm by your side is like losing someone from your own flesh and blood in those circumstances. To pass through
such
misery and loss, they must hold on to their patriotism. They must find strength in their hearts to continue fighting for their country. If those
soldiers
did not want to join battles to protect their nation and country, they
will
Wrong verb form
would
show examples
not constitute a powerful army. To put it simply, even if there are many young people who waste their time without working or studying, that doesn't mean that governments compel them to become
soldiers
.
Otherwise
, those armies which consisted of compelled
soldiers
would only experience losing.
Submitted by ecemanginn on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Ensure that your response directly addresses the task question and fully develops all aspects of the task. Provide a clear opinion and support it with relevant examples and evidence.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay demonstrates good logical progression and cohesion. Ensure to use a variety of cohesive devices such as transition words, pronouns, and conjunctions to further improve coherence.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS

Practice speaking step by step, answer real-life questions, and build your confidence. Start your free trial and improve your speaking skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Compulsory
  • Military service
  • Unemployed
  • Unskilled
  • Discipline
  • National pride
  • Civic duty
  • Enlistment
  • Conscription
  • Cohesive society
  • Civilian life
  • Government resources
  • Ethical concerns
  • Forced enlistment
  • Individual freedoms
  • Psychological effects
  • Personal beliefs
  • Societal tensions
  • Career disruption
  • National security
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!