IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Car ownership has increased so rapidly over the past thirty years that many cities in the world are now ‘one big traffic jam’. How true do you think this statement is? What measures can governments take to discourage people from using their cars?

#car #ownership #thirty #years #cities #world #‘one #traffic #jam’ #measures #governments #people #cars
These days, big
Correct your spelling
cities
citites
Correct your spelling
cities
 have to deal with traffic more than even a few years ago and,
Correct your spelling
unfortunately
unfortunatly
Correct your spelling
unfortunately
, that tendention is rising due to
high
Correct article usage
the high
show examples
 demand for new cars. I agree with that and, in my opinion, roads are really
Correct your spelling
overcrowded
over-crowded
over crowded
overecrowded
Correct your spelling
overcrowded
 in a huge number of countries. By the way, that situation has a range of measures to solve the problem and in
this
essay
Add a comma
,essay
show examples
 I will consider them.
To begin
 with, it
is become
Change to the active voice
becomes
has become
show examples
 more usual for humanity to spend 2 or 3 hours
while
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
going to work by car.
For example
, in some
countries
Add a comma
,countries
show examples
 the issue grew so much that sometimes people
forced
Add a missing verb
are forced
show examples
 to leave their cars just because they are late for
a work
Remove the article
work
a job
show examples
. I believe that the size of that subject will only grow up in the future while it
also
 causes air pollution due to the usage of an enormous amount of
petrolium
Correct your spelling
petroleum
. There are some ways that governments should do to avoid traffic difficulties in the future.
First
, the consumption of
electrocars
Correct your spelling
electro cars
 becomes more popular among the
planet
Change noun form
planet's
show examples
 population.
Nevertheless
, that pleasure is not affordable for everyone. The authorities have to take care in that field and find ways how to decrease prices and promote
this
 invention around the world.
Second
, I believe that imposing higher taxes on fuel and low costs on underground or public bicycles might be helpful as well. By the way, officials need to invest more in advertisements
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 public transport to make it more attractive for use. To
Correct your spelling
conclude
conlude
Correct your spelling
conclude
,
that is
 significantly important to promote new environmental-friendly machines and public vehicles which will help in avoiding traffics and saving nature. Personally,
although
 the number of cars tends to rise more in the future, I hope there will be ways to increase social awareness.
Submitted by nejo.quol on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: