IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Although families have influence on a children’s development, factors outside the home play a bigger part in their lives nowadays. To what extent do you agree oisagree?

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These days, growing up as a child has more
impact
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 from aspects outside the family.
Children
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 having more a sociale live beside school.
Also
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 the world is bigger
then
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 school and home for them because the use of
internet
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. I completely agree that
children
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 having more people guiding them because their spend more time outside the house. I
also
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 believe that the social media having
impact
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 on
children
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.
Firstly
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,
children
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 having a busy schedule beside going to school. By doing outside activities,
children
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 get in contact with others.
For example
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: going to a soccer club. By going to a soccer club the
children
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 having practice 3 times a week and a game in the weekend. That means more than 6 hours outside the house with other kids and coaches.
Secondly
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, the
internet
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 has a big
impact
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 on
children
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. They get a lot of information from there what has an effect on them.
For example
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: by playing video games or using social media. It seems that
children
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 very sensitive for what they learn from the
internet
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.
This
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 has an big
impact
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 on their state of mind and can have a negative
impact
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 on them. In conclusion, as a parent you have still some controle in the development on your
children
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 but there are other factors to consider. Especially, the use of
internet
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 has big
impact
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 on
children
Use synonyms
.

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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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