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Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people say patriotism causes problems and is negative overall. Others feel that it is beneficial for society at large. Do the advantages of patriotism outweight its disadvantages?

#people #patriotism #society #outweight
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It is considered by some that being passionate about the motherland
arises
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raises
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 many problems
while
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 there are others who think that it is an advantage to society. I strongly advocate the latter opinion. Even though excessive love for one's motherland can lead to wars among
countries
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, it is easy to build a nation strongly when it has many patriotic
citizens
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. Excessive patriotic feelings can be harmful as it would make
citizens
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 in that
country
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 look down on other nations. It can be dangerous because it can lead to wars among
countries
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.
For instance
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, during my PhD, I met a batch mate who
believes
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believed
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 that his
country
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is
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was
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 the best in the
world
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 and
dislikes
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disliked
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 students from nations that
pose
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posed
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 a threat to his
country
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.
This
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 led to many unpleasant occasions during student gatherings.
However
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, I believe that it is important for a person to have a bond with his native land. As
such
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, when
citizens
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 are fond of their
country
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, they have the urge to develop and protect it. If every
country
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 has patriotic
citizens
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,
then
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 the
world
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 will have many developed
countries
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.
For example
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, Japan has become one of the most developed
countries
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 in the
world
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 because its people
loved
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love
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 their
country
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 and
wanted
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want
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 it to stand tall among the
world
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's giants.
Moreover
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, when society cherishes their nation, they are less likely to migrate in search of better opportunities.
As a result
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, the
country
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 will not suffer from brain drain. In conclusion, I strongly believe that the advantages of being patriotic are beneficial compared to the disadvantages it has.
Although
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 patriotic residents in a particular
country
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 may behave superior to other
countries
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, it is an important human virtue that flourished and
defend
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defended
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 nations for centuries.
Submitted by suechathu on

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extended
Task Achievement: The essay addresses the prompt and presents both sides of the argument. However, the discussion lacks depth and fails to fully analyze the advantages and disadvantages of patriotism. More comprehensive examples and analysis are needed to improve task achievement.
extended
Coherence and Cohesion: The essay has a basic logical structure with an introduction, body, and conclusion. However, the connections between ideas are sparse and the progression of ideas is not always clear. Use more cohesive devices and clear linking phrases to create better coherence and cohesion.
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