Some people say patriotism causes problems and is negative overall. Others feel that it is beneficial for society at large. Do the advantages of patriotism outweight its disadvantages?

It is considered by some that being passionate about the motherland
arises
Correct your spelling
raises
show examples
many problems
while
there are others who think that it is an advantage to society. I strongly advocate the latter opinion. Even though excessive love for one's motherland can lead to wars among
countries
, it is easy to build a nation strongly when it has many patriotic
citizens
. Excessive patriotic feelings can be harmful as it would make
citizens
in that
country
look down on other nations. It can be dangerous because it can lead to wars among
countries
.
For instance
, during my PhD, I met a batch mate who
believes
Wrong verb form
believed
show examples
that his
country
is
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
the best in the
world
and
dislikes
Wrong verb form
disliked
show examples
students from nations that
pose
Wrong verb form
posed
show examples
a threat to his
country
.
This
led to many unpleasant occasions during student gatherings.
However
, I believe that it is important for a person to have a bond with his native land. As
such
, when
citizens
are fond of their
country
, they have the urge to develop and protect it. If every
country
has patriotic
citizens
,
then
the
world
will have many developed
countries
.
For example
, Japan has become one of the most developed
countries
in the
world
because its people
loved
Wrong verb form
love
show examples
their
country
and
wanted
Wrong verb form
want
show examples
it to stand tall among the
world
's giants.
Moreover
, when society cherishes their nation, they are less likely to migrate in search of better opportunities.
As a result
, the
country
will not suffer from brain drain. In conclusion, I strongly believe that the advantages of being patriotic are beneficial compared to the disadvantages it has.
Although
patriotic residents in a particular
country
may behave superior to other
countries
, it is an important human virtue that flourished and
defend
Wrong verb form
defended
show examples
nations for centuries.
Submitted by suechathu on

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extended
Task Achievement: The essay addresses the prompt and presents both sides of the argument. However, the discussion lacks depth and fails to fully analyze the advantages and disadvantages of patriotism. More comprehensive examples and analysis are needed to improve task achievement.
extended
Coherence and Cohesion: The essay has a basic logical structure with an introduction, body, and conclusion. However, the connections between ideas are sparse and the progression of ideas is not always clear. Use more cohesive devices and clear linking phrases to create better coherence and cohesion.
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