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Band 4.5

Today, the internet and TV have created that chance for ordinary people to become famous. Is it a positive or negative development?

#internet #tv #chance #people #development
Nowadays , the
development
 of the
internet
 has changed the way we
lived
Wrong verb form
live
show examples
 and the majority of
people
 have the chance to become a known person
such
 as famous on social media . Some
people
 argue that a
lot
 of drawbacks to being famous .
Others
Correct quantifier usage
Other
show examples
people
 believe it is a positive
development
. In my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
show examples
 I completely agree
this
development
 will bring a
lot
 of benefits, and in
this
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
 I will explain why and draw my own conclusion. First of all, the
internet
 and TV has improved our
life
 and made them easier to live.
This
 is because the majority of ordinary
people
 now can easily become famous and have many fans on social media
such
 as Snapchat , Instagram and TikTok, and they can have and bring a big amount of money from
this
.
For example
 ,
people
 who work in an international company do not get high salaries and their salaries are between 3000 to 5000$ which is not enough to live today, and the
internet
 gives them the opportunity to gain a
lot
 of money by just taking a picture of their
life
 and download it for everyone to can see.
On the other hand
, despite the benefits points of being ,famous there are a few disadvantages to
this
 .
Firstly
, that might provide dangers for the famous’s
life
 . The reason behind
this
 is there are many
people
 who are creasy or psychopaths that might track them anywhere .
Secondly
 , actors and ,singers who are popular do not have a private
life
 and they should show their
life
 to the world and explain to them every single detail Of their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 which is extremely hard for humans .
For instance
 , they can not have a private moment with their family or friends in a luxury restaurant without
people
 around them . In conclusion ,
although
 the
development
 of the
internet
 and being famous easily can bring a few drawbacks. The majority of ordinary
people
became
Wrong verb form
have become
show examples
rich now and have a
lot
 of benefits of because the
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
show examples
.
Therefore
 I believe that the positive sides outweigh the negatives .
Submitted by Noufalbahouth5 on

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coherence cohesion
Check the use of punctuation and grammar to improve clarity and coherence.
task achievement
Ensure that all aspects of the prompt are properly addressed and provide more relevant and specific examples.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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