IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Families who do not send their children to government financed schools should not be required to pay taxes that supports universal education. To what extent do you agree

#families #children #government #schools #taxes #education
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Families
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 who do not send their
children
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 to government-financed
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school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
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 should not be required to pay taxes that support universal education. When
families
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 send their
children
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 to non-public (
that is
Linking Words
, parochial and private)
schools
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, they must pay tuition and other
school
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 expenses. Spending additional money to pay taxes creates an even greater financial hardship for these
families
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. They must make sacrifices, trying to have enough money to pay for
school
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in addition
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 to other bills.
For example
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, my friend
Amalia
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 is a single mother with an eight-year-old son, Andrew. Because they survive solely on her income, money is tight.
Amalia
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 works at least 10 hours of overtime each week to cover Andrew's
school
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 expenses.
This
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 gives
Amalia
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 and Andrew less time to spend together, and she is always so tired that she is impatient with him when they do have family time. Clearly,
this
Linking Words
 extra expense is an unfair burden for hard-working parents like
Amalia
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. While some people may consider parochial or private
school
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 to be a luxury, for many
families
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 it is essential because their community's public
schools
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 fail to meet their
children
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's needs. Unfortunately, due to shrinking budgets, many
schools
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 lack well-qualified, experienced educators.
Children
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 may be taught by someone who is not a certified teacher or who knows little about the subject matter. Some problems are even more serious.
For example
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, the public high
school
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 in my old
neighborhood
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neighbourhood
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/neighbourhood had serious safety problems, due to students bringing guns, drugs, and alcohol to
school
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. After a gang-related shooting occurred at the high
school
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, my parents felt that they had no choice but to
enroll
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enrol
show examples
 me in a parochial
school
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 that was known for being very safe. Unfortunately, even when
families
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 prefer public
schools
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, sometimes they can't send their
children
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 to one. These
families
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 are burdened not only
for
Change preposition
by
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 paying expenses at another
school
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,
Remove the comma
apply
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 but
also
Linking Words
 by being forced to pay taxes to support a public
school
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 that they do not use
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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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